Happy Weekend!
Today is International Talk Like A Pirate Day, which I remember being a whole thing back in the day, sometime around the time when everyone was getting handlebar mustache tattoos on their fingers — although the internet tells me it started well before that, back in 1995. Maybe I just wasn’t very hip at that point?
As such, your first gift for this week is Bea Arthur singing “Pirate Jenny” from Threepenny Opera from her 2001 one-woman show that I am now very sad to have missed.
And here is Tim Curry as the Pirate King from Pirates of Penzance.
I’m sorry for all the musical theater, but I am not sorry about all the Bea Arthur and Tim Curry.
I am also going to bring you the Fortress Dwellers, a band I saw at the Ren Faire a couple weeks ago. They were pretty fucking good! Also, not bad to look at.
Now I’m gonna steal something from WIRED — a video answering all of your pirate-related questions.
And lastly, I bring you a story you may have forgotten about — the tale of the weird lady who married a “ghost pirate.”
It’s not online anymore, but I did write about this for Friendly Atheist back when it happened, and somehow — despite never having seen freaking Pirates of the Carribbean — I was the only one in the media who realized that this bitch thought she was marrying Captain Jack Sparrow, who was a fictional character and not an actual real pirate who lived three hundred years ago as she claimed. She referred to him as “Captain Jack Teague,” which was supposed to be dude’s real name. Possibly one of my greatest journalistic achievements, really.
Sadly, they did later divorce after he possessed her and she had to have him exorcised. Which is just sad, because if those two crazy kids can’t make it, what chance do the rest of us have?
But if we’re going to talk about Captain Jack Sparrow, there’s one last gift I must give you, and, again, despite never having seen that movie, this video from The Lonely Island and Michael Bolton is one of my favorite things to have ever happened in life.
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Talk amongst yourselves!
Harry inspects today’s haul from the Coit Road Farmer’s Market (Cleveland’s oldest continually operating open air market, since 1932)
Total was $18, which was paid for by the state of Ohio through their Homegrown Benefits program. It helps low income seniors get fresh produce and it helps small, local farmers sell their produce and honey.
Look at that monster leek! (great joke set up)
https://substack.com/@ziggywiggy/note/c-340845721?utm_source=notes-share-action&r=2knfuc
Speaking about pirates . . .
A pirate walks into a bar and orders a beer.
He has a peg leg, a hook for a hand, and a patch over one eye.
Bartender: "What's the story with the leg?"
Pirate: "I was walkin' on the deck a me ship and a rogue wave swept me overboard. A shark swum up and bit me leg clean off! I swum ashore and were fitted fer a peg leg that very night."
Bartender: "That's terrible! What about the hand?"
Pirate: "The very next day I was walkin' on the deck a me ship and a rogue wave swept me overboard again! A whale came up and bit me hand clean off! I swum ashore and were fitted fer a hook that very night."
Bartender: "Horrible! But what about the eye?"
Pirate: "Well it were the very next day I was walkin' on the deck a me ship, and I were lookin out fer rogue waves, and a seagull flew over and shit right in me eye!"
Bartender: "OMG! So that blinded you?"
Pirate: "Well no - but it were me first day with the hook."