352 Comments
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Clay Denton's avatar

There have been so many of these Wife Defends Husband, Discover It's True stories published you'd think women would wise up, but it's like the women who marry sports celebrities and are surprised to learn their husband has been shagging everything in sight. Here's looking at you, Alvin Dark!

victor kostka's avatar

That image of good St Mike going down on the Beast reminded me strongly of stuff I used to see nightly at the old Ninth Circle (169 W 10th St. for those not familiar)

Innocent_Bystander's avatar

Maybe they, as good, non-junk-grabbing-and-pummeling Xtians, are praying for a benevolent (and very rich) private citizen to finance a Gawker-like takedown of DB.

Lady Tavestock's avatar

I await, with titillated anticipation, for my next Schlapp.

Zap's avatar

“The Daily Beast is Satan’s publication to persecute Christians." I'll be subscribing immediately.

Rick Jacobs's avatar

Kinda reminds me of Ole Crazy Eyes, Michele Bachmann and her husband.

randomnessliz's avatar

I will need a close-up photo of Mercedes deep throating an Iowa corndog before I can fully agree

Skaarphy's avatar

Fun fact: The German word "schlapp" means limp, as in limp you-know-what.

Devilish Ledoux's avatar

A Catholic priest would definitely know the right saint for dudes who touch weiners; because ... reasons.

Alexis Appleton's avatar

Another example of why I love me some Wonkette.

So much so that I had to actually comment on this one.

Thank you for keeping us laughing, Evan!

(And also because if I wasn't laughing about this fuckery, I'd be crying. LOL)

Johnny Appleseed's avatar

The Schlapp's. I thoroughly enjoy every pain they go through. They sure do love those p-p touchers!

Melissa's avatar

I left that perverted sect years ago. They seemed in the '80s , as though they were into liberation theology, and into shielding people from the horrors going on in Central America at the time... But apparently no more. They are now an arm of the feculent republican party. I left.them long ago. Fuck them. "The Lady of Guadalupe" has also abandoned them in disgust and to their disgrace. How shameful to appeal to their "tribal" idiotic members for their shelter... with a sex offender, they'll feel right at home. So glad to be gone

Robyn's avatar

Very Catholic, pre-Vatican II.

thephantomcheese's avatar

"How dare Fake Pope Francis remind us that Jesus said it's our job to help the poor?"

Violet Likes Pretty Flowers's avatar

I'm trying to think of a joke that uses the phrase "the number of the Daily Beast," but I'm kinda stuck.

Maybe's avatar

Conservative “family values” seem to be based on the trump family.

Dshwa's avatar

You don't know that his wife doesn't like to watch him touch boys

Wookiee Monster's avatar

Right could be a Jerry Falwell Jr thing.