137 Comments
User's avatar
El Bastardo's avatar

Me: does a Sunday crossword

Me: vacuums the living-room

Oven: bacon is in here

Me: talks some shit at the intartubes

Oven: you can smell it now, right?

Me: oven bacon on a Sunday morning. Who is better than me?

Schmannity's avatar

Is Manos about hands? Manos menos.

El Bastardo's avatar

Me: ...

Me: (waiting)...

Me: (...)

Timer: Now!

Me: Oh, fuck! Where's the slotted spoon!

Poached Egg: My yolk is hard!

Me: Goddammit.

Martin Shobe's avatar

Will breaking the hollandaise sauce be next?

Aquaman, Real Estate Investor.'s avatar

This is why I have a friend who's good at it.

Linoleum von Curmudgeon, Esq.'s avatar

Good old yellow dog ain't done barking yet! Party on Sandy!

Don't forget the old rule: "Vote for the dem even if the dem is a yellow dog."

Ambiance Chaser's avatar

I look forward to the next Grand(tm) White House state dinner.

There is no one left that knows which side of the plate the forks go on . . .

josephebacon's avatar

Just wondering what will be on the menu--KFC, Arby's, Mc Donald's or Domino's?

Land Shark 🇺🇦 🏳️‍⚧️'s avatar

Doesn't a state dinner usually have other heads of state? Who's left that would show up?

freakishlystrong's avatar

They get absolutely trounced, stomped on, and they're all out there doubling down. Diaperpants McDelusional is downright terrifying in his denial. First of all, "Sixty Minutes", he just got his ass kicked, so of course they interview HIM instead of ascendent Dems, who WON. Also this this bit of war criminality;

“I do,” Trump said. “Look, we’ve won two wars. We’ve won Venezuela, and taken out billions and billions and billions of dollars already. And we will be taken out many billions of dollars and get along very well. And you could call it a territory, you could call it whatever you want. We won that war in less than one hour, and nobody was killed.”

On top of the now ten wars he's ended we also "won" two? The fuck? Get the butterfly net.

SayItWithWookies's avatar

We've won two wars -- the one that wasn't a war, and the one we haven't won.

MRK's avatar

It's all they have.

Aquaman, Real Estate Investor.'s avatar

See, this is why we need new leadership.

There should be someone people actually *want* to interview.

Toomush Expectashuns's avatar

"taken out billions and billions and billions of dollars..."? Like tribute? WTF is he talking about?....

RocktonSam's avatar

A taste, beak wetted.

Bitter Scribe's avatar

The oil.

Remember him braying during the campaign "We should take the oil!"? Well, he's following through.

MRK's avatar

Trying to. Turns out the reality of that is much harder than he thought.

freakishlystrong's avatar

Which is a war crime.

El Bastardo's avatar

Me: Just lightly.

Toaster: You mean like this? [burnt toast]

Me: No, lighty

Toaster: Oh, like this [brown toast]

Me: No, I said LIGHTLY

Toaster: mmmmm [gently browned]

Me: Yes. Like that. Exactly.

Me: Butter!

Butter (from the fridge): Yes! Can I crumple your fine toast, and not adequately melt for you?

Me: (facepalm)

Bitter Scribe's avatar

Try two things: 1) Take the butter out of the fridge a little while before; 2) dot the toast with bits of butter and wait for them to warm and soften before you attempt to spread.

Toomush Expectashuns's avatar

That butter needs a stern talking to. A very short trip to Hell may be in order...

El Bastardo's avatar

I had Rick's robot, but the butter was still cold.

JustPixelz's avatar

NewsNation: COVID fallout partly to blame for measles resurgence: Ex-CDC director [https://www.newsnationnow.com/vargasreports/covid-fallout-measles-spike/]

"Robert Redfield, who was appointed as CDC director during the first Trump administration, blames the resurgence, in part, on the type of vaccine skepticism that was spawned during the COVID pandemic..."

That's some industrial strength bullshit.

Shallow state's avatar

Sandy!!! "This is MY rawhide, and I don't care who knows it!!!"

El Bastardo's avatar

Me: More cheese.

The Waffle Iron: I don't think I can handle more cheese.

Me: More Cheese!

The Waffle Iron: I can't take any more cheese!

Me: MOAR CHEZE

The Waffle Iron: But, I~ glub...

Me: Breakfast!

Me: Also, now do bacon.

Tiffany in Houston's avatar

My prediction for the next several months is that Steohen Miller's tenure as Trump's COS, however it lasts, will be one of the biggest disasters of his 2nd term. Miller's and his wife are absolute poison.

Shocking, I know.

RocktonSam's avatar

Whenever I see Miller I think of Goebbels

josephebacon's avatar

Add in Gym Shorts Jordan as House Minority Leader...

Meccalopolis's avatar

His full time job is going to be riding herd on repugs in Congress and punish disloyalty. I honestly don't know how that's gonna work out.

Sister Artemis's avatar

The lettuce may be there a long time, but its rot started before it was even put in place. It's gonna be a stinky couple of years. We should probably put some newspapers on the floor, and get some fly traps.

josephebacon's avatar

Guaranteed that lettuce is from...Taylor Farms! 😏

tehbaddr's avatar

40 K quatloos he's gone in 6 months!

freakishlystrong's avatar

"Manos Returns?" Really? I can't watch that without either Joel or and Mike and two smartass bots in front of it. That's as good as making a sequel to "Space Mutiny."😁

MRK's avatar

That it's labeled 'Comedy Horror' tells me they were trying to be funny in the sequel. Given how bad they were the first time, I'm not sure if that's better or worse.

tehbaddr's avatar

Creeping Horror 2!

Nigel R. Toppinglift, III's avatar

If the person on Insta is to believed, Alice Weiss got 22 years.

pstokk's avatar

I still find it strange that they didn't charge her at the time of the murder. Doesn't that suggest a significant weakness in the state's case? I also didn't get the impression that any new evidence came to light when the state reopened the case.

Sister Artemis's avatar

Ugggghh.

That's a life sentence for her 🙁😟😠

Ellie still in the mix in 26's avatar

Manos is back? My daughter and I had that on our list of favorite MST2K moies, especially the scene where the LITTLE GIRL is missing. The parents look around the room, quickly open a door and take a 2 second look inside, and say, "Well, she's not in there." And that's it. This new movie is another reason for me to miss her very much. I might watch it anyway, and talk to her picture about it.

El Bastardo's avatar

Extra pistol in the glovebox.

Because that's where I keep mine.

Toomush Expectashuns's avatar

Boy, the North really took blue to heart!...

Hamilton & The Crew's avatar

That election sure left a bruise, yes?

Martin Shobe's avatar

At least the external bleeding has slowed down.

Teen Laqueefa's avatar

I used to watch Passions on occasion to cheer on Phoebe Figalilly.

Teen Laqueefa's avatar

It was the inevitable end game for soap operas, so outrageous it was a different genre.