29 Comments

It really depends on the nipples.

I know it's not really your thing, but darn it, we need more information to... uh... arrive at a reasoned... What were we talking about, again?

Expand full comment

I meant the book by Percival Everett. It's actually a pretty good read -- it's about an African-American author who gets no respect because his books are generally highbrow, so he writes an over-the-top parody of ghetto-chic exploitation that gets taken at face value and earns widespread critical acclaim.

Expand full comment

And not all of the christianist taliban progress to "What Would I Make You Do?"

Expand full comment

If someone told me that I was worse than a bowling ball... I'd have to take a good, hard look at my bias against recreational sports.

Expand full comment

Wait until they find out what she watches on TV at night...

Expand full comment

OK, but does she have a sister? I'm asking for a friend.

Expand full comment

"You don't have to try heroin to know that it's destructive."

Ta-dah !

Expand full comment

YES.

I want to know if Ms. Apple has any older sons.

Or if she's figured out how to tie her shoes without assistance.

If the notion of a modern teacher having a fantasy life is so unbearable, you'd think the pearl-clutchers could come up with at least one coherent objection that doesn't rely on moralistic precognition.

Expand full comment

Is there an "either/or" requirement I'm failing to see, here?

These fearful parents have to be imagining a torrid "if/then." Or maybe "then/if/then, then, oh then, then, oh yeah, then, then, then, THEN!".

Expand full comment

I envy my grandparents, who could go decades without thinking once about those newfangled "nasty bits".

Expand full comment

And yet I came into existence. I'd ask my dad about this, but I was raised better than that.

Apparently.

Some things are Just Not Nice.

Expand full comment

To be fair, their Extra Crispy recipe is dangerously hard to force down.

They probably don't want the jury on a libel case taking your side.

Expand full comment

We men are animals.

BEASTS, I tells ya.

School teachers are hired because their purity is impeccable, and that's why you don't see as many male teachers.

Expand full comment

Song of Solomon presents a problem, since you're in deep shit if you remove so much as a word from the Bible...

<blockquote>This thy stature is like to a palm tree, and thy breasts to clusters of grapes.

I said, I will go up to the palm tree, I will take hold of the boughs thereof: now also thy breasts shall be as clusters of the vine... </blockquote>

ETA - Oops, Lot_49 beat me to this, with a different excerpt. I haz a sad.

Expand full comment

It rocks the boat.

You <i>don't</i> want to rock the boat...

Expand full comment

Those words didn't mean what they say - they mean what the reader <i>thinks</i> they say.

This should be obvious even to a secularist humanist collectivist libertine "teacher."

Expand full comment