Over the long holiday weekend, those of with nothing to do but lie on the couch and watch our asses grow logged onto the Internet and noted a whole fuckload of people JUST WONDERING if Donald Trump was dead yet? This was based on his general undeadness recently including what was surely hand leprosy, as well as some days of radio silence from President Blathering — it only seemed like he was in our faces with his stupid Cabinet meetings (on Tuesday) and behind-the-desk press conferences, but the last time anyone from the press pools confirmed talking to him was noon on Wednesday. And since when does Trump stay in Washington a second longer than he has to, when there’s so much money to be made charging the Secret Service to protect him at his own trash palaces? Trump in DC on a holiday weekend? Doesn’t sound like the one we know and hate!
It was also based on but we wanted it to be true.
Then JD Vance, as is his habit, made everything worse (or better!) by saying he’d had enough on-the-job training in his seven months (including all those vacations) as Trump’s chief lickspittle to be able to take over should tragedy (LOL) strike.
“I’ll also say that the president in incredibly good health, he’s got incredible energy, and while most of the people who work around the president of the United States are younger than he is, I think that we find that he actually is the last person who goes to sleep, he’s the last person making phone calls at night, he is the first person who wakes up and the first person making phone calls in the morning.
“Yes, things can always happen. Yes, terrible tragedies happen, but I feel very confident the president of the United States is in good shape, is going to serve out the remainder of his term and do great things for the American people, and if, God forbid, there is a terrible tragedy, I can’t think of better on-the-job training than what I’ve gotten over the last 200 days.”
Oh JD Vance, you big lug! Keep it up!
Finally, on Saturday, “a photo surfaced” of Trump with his granddaughter Kai, on their way to go golfing. The New York Post, having noted all of our “dashed hopes,” discreetly did not print it, since the president (who is Trump! does anybody know how that happened???) looked like warmed-over deathshit.
And Team Trump released some photos of “Trump golfing” that were from weeks and/or months ago, or as CNN drily notes, were “undated.” Meanwhile, the press were kept hundreds of yards away from Trump, shooting him with a telephoto lens like he is Bigfoot. Which is terribly unfair to Bigfoot, who never hurt anybody and certainly didn’t burn our farmers’ crops (already paid for) rather than send them to children literally starving in Africa. Because Trump is an evil man who will go to hell when he dies, if there is one, and for purposes of feeling nice this morning, there is!
As for what the fuck is wrong with Trump, and will kill him sooner than later, the hot money is on “series of strokes,” although Wonkette is against degenerate gambling. Still, we might let you go put a little bet-see on it, for a treat.
Anyway, that was the only fun anyone had this weekend, except Joe Biden, who took a nice walk with his daughter and taunted Trump with his svelte ankles and generally being alive. That guy has cancer, and he still looks 50 times better than old Shitloaf up there.
Someday Trump is going to die — maybe this week, but maybe not :( — and then we will bang pots and pans and dance and kiss strangers in the street, and it’s going to be such a marvelous day I don’t even care if President Vance martial-laws us for being uncouth.
WORTH IT.
'Es pinin' for the fjords! (no, really, still obsessed with Greenland)
Heh, I read somewhere that there's now a gambling line on "will not finish out his term, date of departure" which somewhat different than the more uncouth "when is the buffoon going to die?" at least from a legal standpoint.