578 Comments
User's avatar
Martini Glambassador's avatar

Wonkitty threatens the NYC skyline. Here’s your hed gif source info:

https://open.substack.com/pub/martiniambassador/p/its-a-parade

Expand full comment
LuluBelle's avatar

You're a master at this. Beautiful work.

Expand full comment
(((What Fresh Hell Is This)))'s avatar

The flying kitty head is rather creepifying. In a good way.

Expand full comment
calliecallie, aka pollyanna's avatar

Nice work with the shadows there!

Expand full comment
Menotsure's avatar

"Well ...it's a beautiful New York city morning, Jim, and here comes our next big balloon. What the hell is that thing?"

"Betty, that's the Wonkette entry in our holiday festivities being held down by a host of oddballs dressed as canned clams and slices of those cakes we like."

Expand full comment
Antifa Commander's avatar

"oddballs dressed"

That sounds suspiciously like it might involve pants. Fake Wonkews!

Expand full comment
Eva, Iron Goddess of Mercy's avatar

NOOOO!!!!!1!!!11!!

Expand full comment
𝕺𝖓𝖙𝖍𝖊𝖔𝖙𝖍𝖊𝖗𝖍𝖆𝖓𝖉's avatar

My canned clam costume does not include pants.

Expand full comment
Gary Seven in Space's avatar

Leaving your "oysters" hanging out....

Expand full comment
Gary Seven in Space's avatar

AND Filthy Fuck-a-ducks!

Expand full comment
PuraVida's avatar

And cedar cheese.

Expand full comment
Martini Glambassador's avatar

Now *that's* a parade I'd go out of my way to watch.

Expand full comment
Linoleum von Curmudgeon, Esq.'s avatar

I see that parade every single day.

Expand full comment
Menotsure's avatar

"You are a monster, Jim."

"Thanks, Betty!"

Expand full comment
Homero's avatar

Oh rats! I was hoping it was a flying Axl kitty threatening the parade. Ziggy, can you make it so?

Expand full comment
Sister Artemis's avatar

That's about a block or two down... just wait!

Expand full comment
𝕺𝖓𝖙𝖍𝖊𝖔𝖙𝖍𝖊𝖗𝖍𝖆𝖓𝖉's avatar

Truly frightening float, spectators flee screaming.

Expand full comment
Schmannity's avatar

Wonkitty has a pink bikini mouth

Expand full comment
Homero's avatar

I read that at first as "Wonkitty has a purty mouth"

A patient of mine from West Virginia and I used to joke about the line "you got a purty mouth" when talking about Appalachia

Expand full comment
Martini Glambassador's avatar

LOL, that's a pink bikini NOSE.

Expand full comment
Stroke1's avatar

Oh no, they say she's got to go

Poor poor Wonkitty

Yeaaaaah

Oh no, there goes Montan-o

Poor poor Wonkitty

Expand full comment
Homero's avatar

needz moar cowbell

Expand full comment
JustPixelz's avatar

brilliant, and w/shadows!

Expand full comment
Stroke1's avatar

I noticed that, it was a neat touch.

Expand full comment
Thomas B.'s avatar

Editrix, I want the ravioli link, pleeeze.

Expand full comment
carovee's avatar

Fuuuuuck private equity firms. This country will never be truly democratic until we find a way to destroy the perverse incentive to ruin companies for profit.

Expand full comment
Gingerwentworth's Theory's avatar

Remember how Mitt Romney used to decide to buy a company, then borrow the entire amount to do it, and then add the amount of the loan to the indebtedness of that company and announce it was insovent and shut it down, fire all the people and sell its assets? I was wondering if that's what you're referring to above. Remember that man who said he and his colleagues had to build the stage Mitt Romney announced the firings from?

Then he said the way to fox the housing crisis was to foreclose everywhere and bring in investors to buy up the houses? And then he said to let the auto industry go down the tubes!

And President Obama said no way and saved it. And it benefited everybody and the economy benefitted instead of suffering? Sorry I guess I just can't stop. But how is it Republicans and other austerity freaks don't see this?

Expand full comment
carovee's avatar

That is exactly what I was thinking of. And he had the gall to refer to people too poor to pay income tax as "takers".

Expand full comment
Gingerwentworth's Theory's avatar

And THEN, sitting by his car elevator (probably) he said his detractors were just jealous of the things he had.

He was such a scrounger at the same time, that he used his son's basement as his legal residence to make him eligible to be in office somewhere. I just can't even do that myself for different reasons that would make my life easier-- because it's creepy.

But now Romney's regarded as such a hell of a guy by Democrats. And I suppose he has been a big help-- somehow in the Senate. Sad Commentary.

Expand full comment
Wookiee Monster's avatar

Why move the confederate memorial? Melt it down and use the bronze to make statues of Harriet Tubman, Frederick Douglass, Rosa Parks, and MLK Jr.

Expand full comment
You Should Ice That Burn's avatar

I could see a giant sculpture that communicated a perverse sort of human grinder.

Expand full comment
Wookiee Monster's avatar

“Kennedy has two clear pathways to the White House,” Lyons said.

No, he doesn’t.

But he does have one clear path to preventing Biden from winning. And that’s the real goal, isn’t it?

Also, if you use the term “uniparty,” you can just shut the fuck forever. You have no reason to be taken seriously.

Expand full comment
Eva, Iron Goddess of Mercy's avatar

There really should be a Wonkette Kitty balloon in the Thanksgiving day parade.

Expand full comment
Bombay Troubadour's avatar

OT, but Republican hero Victor Orban just announced a further dictator thing called ‘Sovereign Protection Agency’ the purpose is to roll back foreign influences.

I’m sure Mike Johnson (traitor),would approve.

2024, when the republicans will try to destroy economy and fuck with elections to make sure they win the final battle. But.....

Wall Street LOVES the current Biden soft landing economy and interest rate direction.

Expand full comment
Bagels of Doom's avatar

"No, I don’t think we’ll be leaving Substack because it hosts (and more importantly monetizes) Actual Nazis."

it took me five hot second on the first day I made a Substack account to notice that, my god! it's full of weirdos.

it's social media in a Capitalist society. I hardly expect 100% ethical behavior.

Expand full comment
K Owens's avatar

from the article on weathering "Dr. Vicente Navarro, a professor emeritus of health and public policy at Johns Hopkins University, has written, “It is not inequalities that kill people. It is those who are responsible for these inequalities that kill people.”"

Expand full comment
Vermicious Kid's avatar

Greetings. I will be surfing the currents of my ADHD ✨unmedicated✨ for today. Expect multiple naps, coloring book time, and staring at the horizon contemplating A Thought. I will TRY not to impulse buy a bulk shipment of canned tuna.

Expand full comment
Erin's avatar

What am I supposed to do with my ravioli, hennnnngh? I have some in the fridge all ready to go for tonight and I'm on tenterhooks over here!

Expand full comment
Gammarae's avatar

and i ask for the thousandth time, in all this morass of democratic disarray, where in the hell is jaime harrison? ronna's out there offering legal services to those who will do her evil will, can the DNC at least address the issue of people feeling taken advantage of, or is that too much to hope for?

Expand full comment
Secret Agent Super Dragon's avatar

“But yes, it’s entirely possible Old Joe loses Georgia this year; young Black people feel taken for granted by the Democratic Party — and often are!”

Yeah, they’ll do so much better under a second term of Trumpism. That will work out great. I can see how “possibly taken for granted” is way, way worse than “this administration wants to kill you”

Expand full comment
Zyxomma's avatar

Ta, Rebecca. I hope your new year Wonkstravaganza is superb. Ta, Martini. Balloons!! Good day, beloved Wonketteers. I love and appreciate you all and I bless us all with love, health, peace, and grace.

Please, please stay safe. Wear a mask or two, wash your hands, sanitize when you cannot wash and let the sanitizer dry completely, stop touching your face, take Vitamin D, get one of the new vaccines as soon as you're able, avoid indoor and crowded outdoor gatherings and when you must meet, remove masks only to eat, drink, and take quick photos, and stay the fuck away from me and anyone with whom you do not share a roof. Do this because you love yourself, and because I love you, too. Do this in memory of dear departed Treg among over seven million dead worldwide. Do this to honor the nurses and other frontline medical personnel, especially ICU Hera Mrs Land Shark RN. Stay safe.

Slava Ukraini. 🌻🇺🇦💙💛

Expand full comment
𝕺𝖓𝖙𝖍𝖊𝖔𝖙𝖍𝖊𝖗𝖍𝖆𝖓𝖉's avatar

16,000 of them.

I got curious about the Civil War soldiers buried in Arlington. They were the first ones buried there. That somehow seems to make this statue thing worse. A former slave of the Lee estate, which later became Arlington National Cemetary, worked there digging graves and is buried there. I wonder how he would feel about that statue.

I found this well worth the read: https://www.arlingtontours.com/first-military-burials-arlington#:~:text=Nearly%2030%20Union%20troops%20were,the%20remains%20of%202%2C111%20soldiers.

Expand full comment
Revenant's avatar

Most interesting- I was not aware that the National Cemetery was not opened until 1864. Meigs' son 1st Lt. John Rodgers Meigs, while serving as an aide-de-camp to Philip Sheridan as a mapmaker and topographical engineer in the Shenandoah Valley, was killed when he and two others were bushwacked by Confederate cavalry wearing captured Union uniforms. His death enraged Sheridan, who blamed guerilla leader John S. Mosby, and in retaliation ordered the nearest town burned down and then began hanging any of Mosby's men he could catch. That didn't last long, because stray Union soldiers were easier for Mosby to catch and hang than Rebel guerillas. Sheridan then formed a small volunteer formation of scouts who wore gray, knowing they would be hanged for spies if caught. This group intercepted a trainload of desperately needed rations on the way to Lee's fleeing army, thus slowing the starving Rebels down so Sheridan's cavalry corps could surround them and end the war.

Expand full comment
𝕺𝖓𝖙𝖍𝖊𝖔𝖙𝖍𝖊𝖗𝖍𝖆𝖓𝖉's avatar

I feel that if that information about the origins of Arlington were more widely disbursed it would shed a different light on the statue controversy.

Expand full comment
Revenant's avatar

Indeed

Expand full comment