576 Comments
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Megan Macomber's avatar

"Where are the parents?"

Apparently they are chasing pacifist teens around the kitchen island to pound some sense into them.

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Rick L's avatar

Lauren Boebert should sue her for identity theft

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Bobson's avatar

Hello, Clarice.

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Revenant's avatar

Nice to know we have our own rightwing drunken low lifes down here in the lower fortyeight. Look over your shoulder Sarah, Clarice is coming on up behind you. Just love what messes these reactionary scolds make of their own lives; apparently, promoting Fascism is very stressful, leading to heavy drinking and indiscriminate violence. Bet she's a loud self-proclaimed "Xtian" too. They ALWAYS are.

How about you fucking trash clean up your own mess and leave the rest of us alone?

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PrincessKrapotkin's avatar

Committing a crime in a rental house is usually grounds for the landlord to evict your ass.

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Deb is not indicted's avatar

"teenagers in the foyer, my oh my;

teens in the foyer, punch 'em in the eye"

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Secret Agent Super Dragon's avatar

This story has a lot of “if she ‘accidentally’ made out with a seventeen year old football player she wouldn’t be upset about it” energy about it

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avidlurker's avatar

I got stopped with this bit: "As teenagers tried to leave the home on Liz Circle, Schillinger... ordered them to stay."

I'm trying to imagine how that conversation goes and just failing. Closest I can come is the Clark Griswold explosion in "Christmas Vacation" when the family attempts to bail.

"Where do you think you're going? Nobody's leaving. Nobody's walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We're all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he's gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse."

Except with more punching.

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TakingAmes's avatar

These are just extremely classy people.

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Revenant's avatar

Bucks County's own Prince Rainier and Grace Kelly.

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Reed's avatar

Right? Just the very picture of poise and grace.

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Craig Nixon's avatar

Wholesome Family Values™

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Fifth Dentist's avatar

Sounds like she was just trying to emulate the YourAPeein tradition of teaching kids to drink responsibly at a young age. But with 'Murkan freedoms and traditions like beer pong and fighting.

And the young man who got punched probably defended Colin Kapernik's kneeling on the holy sportsball field and making the little baby Jesus sad, so he had it coming!

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Trump University Graduate's avatar

When the 119th Congress convenes in 2025, we are going to have to pressure them into building more and bigger Gulags to house all of these right wing assholes who are going to have to be subjected to intensive re-education. More money for Gulags! More money for teaching sticks!!!

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Nancy Naive's avatar

Yeehaw!

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glenglish's avatar

Damn it, when are we gonna get back to traditional conservative family values like: throwing underage drinking parties for our kids and their friends (and I mean think of the conservative youths that needa be protected from grooming); arguing- I mean... getting into fights over football; and punching the little shits in the face? </rhetorical-question-anyone-with-a-serious-answer-need-not-reply>

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Fifth Dentist's avatar

A party with wasted teenage girls and drunk, horny adults that was supposed to turn into a sleepover sounds totally unlike a grade A grooming opportunity, that's for sure.

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Darrell Leland's avatar

These people exceed mockery. How do you make fun of dumbshits that make fun of themselves? Who flip off the universe in their efforts to be even stupider?

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ames's avatar

Not here for grown-ass adults trying to suck up to the cool kids with a boozey wanna-be-milf party. Gross.

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Craig Nixon's avatar

Boozey Wanna-Be-MILF Party. Great, now I have to form yet *another* band...

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Goonemeritus's avatar

To be fair when my boys were preteens we would do 007 movie nights, complete with bathrobe smoking jackets, ginger ale served in martini glasses.

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William Donnell's avatar

"You stir that ' tini one more time, and it's your ass, limey!"

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