Clarice Schillinger, a rightwing Republican advocate for “parental rights” who also ran a for Pennsylvania lieutenant governor in 2022 but lost the primary, has been charged with assault after allegedly punching a teenager in the face at a booze-fueled birthday party she threw for her daughter’s 17th birthday. And here we were worrying it was a slow news day!
At press time, it is unclear whether any drag queens, critical race theorists, or books about LGBTQ+ issues were at the September 29 party to make Schillinger allegedly act with such unhinged alleged violence.
Per the Philadelphia Inquirer, it was allegedly quite the party, and a whole-family brouhaha, to boot. Ah, so nostalgic! Remember? Remember?
We clearly need someone to create a special-edition T-shirt to visualize this new greatest moment in family values and protecting kids from corrupting leftist cultural influences.
Multiple teenagers were assaulted by intoxicated adults during the Sept. 29 party at Clarice Schillinger’s Doylestown home, according to a police affidavit. Police say that Schillinger’s intoxicated boyfriend punched one teen in the face and assaulted another. That teen also was punched in the eye by Schillinger’s intoxicated mother, who also chased that teen around the kitchen, the affidavit said.
MOM!
The family that boozes with teens together, assaults teens together, we guess. Doesn’t rhyme, don’t need to.
As teenagers tried to leave the home on Liz Circle, Schillinger — who police said had supplied the more than 15 minors at the party with a basement bar stocked with vodka and rum, played beer pong with them and encouraged them to take shots with her — ordered them to stay.
She then punched one young man in the face three times, according to the affidavit, which said video footage showed Schillinger lunging toward a group of teenagers in the foyer and having to be restrained.
If ever there were a need for police video to be released — for educational purposes, of course — this is clearly cause for a public records request. Blur the poor teens’ faces, of course.
Ms. Schillinger was charged October 26 with “simple assault, harassment, and providing alcohol to minors,” but not, apparently, with Assholery with Malice Aforethought. The BF and Schillinger’s mater, who clearly was a fine role model, were charged with simple assault and harassment, but pleaded down to disorderly conduct.
Update: Oh, yeah, her lawyer said Schillinger “has dedicated her life to public service” and that she is all law-abiding and shit, so she’s looking forward to defending herself in court. So we’ll see what kind of plea agreement she takes, LOL
The story was broken Thursday by the Bucks County Courier Times. That story has additional OMG details about the staunch defender of innocent children from terrible liberals in the schools. The party actually continued past midnight, and the alleged outbreak of teen-punching got started when
Schillinger’s then-boyfriend allegedly grabbed a 16-year-old by the neck for intervening in a fight between the couple and hit a 15-year-old in the face during an argument over football. According to the allegations in court papers, her intoxicated mother also punched the older teen in the eye and chased him around the kitchen island.
OK, well it was an argument about f’ball, which means the teen probably had it coming. Maybe the kid said f’ball demonstrates structural racism in America, even.
So tell us more about this advocate for decency in the schools, please, Philly Inkwire?
Schillinger, 36, rose to prominence amid a burgeoning conservative movement opposed to pandemic safety measures, which has since shifted to accusing the public education system of indoctrinating students with liberal ideals.
She was tapped by Bucks County venture capitalist Paul Martino in 2021 to lead a political action committee, Back to School PA, that poured more than $500,000 of Martino’s money into school board races. While the PAC billed itself as bipartisan, most candidates who received its donations were Republicans, at a time when conservatives were marshaling opposition to public schools over so-called critical race theory.
After losing her bid for lieutenant governor, she was chosen for another political effort by Martino, a PAC called “Back to School USA,” which was dedicated to fighting
“liberal teachers’ unions and special interest groups that are responsible for indoctrinating our children.”
The PAC “plans to invest in the races across the U.S. where the public school unions are backing candidates,” Schillinger said earlier this year. In the first half of 2023, it raised and spent about $20,000; a website for the PAC that existed earlier this year has since been taken down.
Well shoot, we bet now they won’t hardly be able to protect any kids from the liberal groomer unions trying to ruin America’s young people and fill them with dangerous ideas about gender, racism, and climate change. Oh, and then there’s this last bit: The affidavit says this isn’t the first time cops have had to deal with an alleged drunken teen party at Schillinger’s rented home:
Less than a week earlier, on Sept. 24, police found beer cans around her property and in the street. About 20 minors fled when police showed up that night, according to the affidavit, which said Schillinger was “intoxicated and uncooperative.”
Oh dear. It really makes you wonder: Where are the parents? Besides handing out shots in the basement, that is.
OPEN THREAD! OPEN THREAD!
UPDATE: VERY MUCH NOT THE OPEN THREAD! That’s Hooper, here. Oops!
[Philadelphia Inquirer / Bucks County Courier Times]
Yr Wonkette is funded entirely by reader donations. If you can, please subscribe and help us reach 5,000 paid subscribers before the New Year! If a one-time donation is better for you, though, we have a button to help!
If you’re shopping at Amazon anyway — for stripper poles and alligators, an earthmover to bury your boss, or to help Dok Zoom get stupid manga on his stupid Kindle (just Nine FOUR to go!) — this portal gives Yr Wonkette a commission!
Now updated with links to and immortal graphic rendering of the 2014 Palin Brawl; refresh browser to see.
Doy, this is not the open thread, I'm just really tired and here is your Hooper. Wonkette regrets the error. (Believe me, if I were drinking already I'd admit it. Naptime!)
https://www.wonkette.com/p/welcome-to-wonkette-happy-hour-with-80b