Pat Robertson reminded his viewers (we assume he has some) on Tuesday that the world is beset with traps and snares for the unwary Christian, like the prospect that a simple exercise class could trick your innocent child into speaking in foreign tongues and invoking strange Hindoo devil-gods!
"Secular scholars argue that the practice of "Yoga" is nearly 3,000 years old. We know this to be a lie because the Bible never mentions anything about it, and the Bible is the most accurate historical book ever written. Creation Scientists place the origins of "Yoga," closer to 1963 when film actress Connie Stevens is seen doing it on historically archived film." -Pastor Deacon Fred, Landover Baptist Church
Dear Susan:Thank you for your letter. It sounds like you and your family will never be able to retain your strongly held religious beliefs after your move to that God-Forsaken frontier town. I suggest you return to the 16th century where you came from. Thank you for your question and thank you for remaining one of the loyal 700 members of my Club. Yours In Christ,Pat Robertson
I knew there was a good reason for subscribing to Wonkette, as I never would have thought to consult with Pat Robertson and his 700 Club for better physical health and in increased circulation. I'll put him in my address book following Donald Trump as the goto guy for sound financial investments, and Sarah Palin as the goto person for how to be a better patriot. Now, to return to Rudy G on how to love America more.
"Secular scholars argue that the practice of "Yoga" is nearly 3,000 years old. We know this to be a lie because the Bible never mentions anything about it, and the Bible is the most accurate historical book ever written. Creation Scientists place the origins of "Yoga," closer to 1963 when film actress Connie Stevens is seen doing it on historically archived film." -Pastor Deacon Fred, Landover Baptist Church
Where did you get that picture of Pat Robertson??!! He almost looks alive!
Dear Susan:Thank you for your letter. It sounds like you and your family will never be able to retain your strongly held religious beliefs after your move to that God-Forsaken frontier town. I suggest you return to the 16th century where you came from. Thank you for your question and thank you for remaining one of the loyal 700 members of my Club. Yours In Christ,Pat Robertson
Elizabethan English, to be specific. "Yahweh" sounds kinda Hindu. It's "Jehovah" or thou must needs get the fuck hence.
I figured Pat was already in savasana by now.
He finds them quite comfortable. He's wearing them under his suit right now.
The only approved exercise for Christians is going for a 40 day walk in the desert.
Are we entirely sure that Roberton's call-in audience doesn't consist mostly of Wonkeratti trolls?
Savasana, Georgia?
Extremely common to all languages, the noun "Ghomert" has a very deep etymology.
'You lift sixteen tons, and whattaya get?...'
'Strong in the derp, this one is.'
The Better Homes and Gardens New Cook Book?
Many years ago, my Zen master said that Yoga meant "union," and that Zen "was a Yoga."
Of course, in those pre-Scott Walker days, "union" wasn't such a reviled concept.
"Yoga is not exclusive; it doesn’t insist upon a particular belief..."
There's the reason Patty doesn't like it.
I knew there was a good reason for subscribing to Wonkette, as I never would have thought to consult with Pat Robertson and his 700 Club for better physical health and in increased circulation. I'll put him in my address book following Donald Trump as the goto guy for sound financial investments, and Sarah Palin as the goto person for how to be a better patriot. Now, to return to Rudy G on how to love America more.