Televangelist conman-for-Jesus crazy mofo Pat Robertson has scammed a lot of money over the years by offering "the Lord's" pro-tips on his teevee show, the700 Club.We could devote 29 hours a day to watching him and trying to make jokes for you about what a crazy mofo that crazy mofo really is. However, we don't have that kind of time, nor have we enough spoons with which to stab ourselves in the ear, so we limit ourselves (and you, dear readers, YOU'RE WELCOME) to the best of his worst. Like how
All right, level with me. Pat Robertson doesn't really exist, right? The name sounds obviously made up. It's really Andy Kaufman in heavy makeup doing the most incredible performance art in the history of comedy. Amirite?
God used to fight the debbil. Now it's fighting vegetables. Say what you will about the deity, it's getting closer and closer to my estimation of its real abilities.
I was too subtle, as I was thinking fruits and nuts, as in gays and liberals.
Ha! I saw your subtle and raised it with obtuse.
You win. I owe you one. One what I am not sure, your call.
Do NOT cast Aspersions on my asparagus!!!!!!
If you'l take him, I'll push.
I would never cast aspersions on asparagus itself but watch out for the asparagus schapps. That stuff is possessed by demons.
Where was this guy in 1978, when I didn't want to eat my green beans?
Do you think the will take him off the show before he has to start wearing a drool cup under his chin?
GAY alcohol??? Oh, the horror!!
Some people say What's that? ...It's Pat!
All right, level with me. Pat Robertson doesn't really exist, right? The name sounds obviously made up. It's really Andy Kaufman in heavy makeup doing the most incredible performance art in the history of comedy. Amirite?
Actually, he may be right. The plant in the background looks like it's thinking about taking him out.
Holy yoghurt, Patman!
Please. We've been waiting for a decade.
Not unless they invent a time machine.
God used to fight the debbil. Now it's fighting vegetables. Say what you will about the deity, it's getting closer and closer to my estimation of its real abilities.