Paul Manafort's Lawyers Throwing Fresh New Shits At Wall Again
Man, we take one day off and all of a sudden Michael Cohen's personal underpantiesand iPhones have been stolen by the FBI and placed into evidence! But this post is not about that, because there is EVEN MORE FUCKERY happening with Paul Manafort and his lawyers, who continue to throw every Hail Mary pass they can in order to prove that somehow, some way, it is illegal for the law to come after Manafort just because he probably committed about a thousand crimes. On Monday, Five Dollar Feminist 'splained that Manafort's lawyers (who are becoming very rich working on this case, sounds like!) were suddenly arguing that it was No Fair for the gubmint to search and seize assets from a storage locker in Alexandria, Virginia. Manafort's lawyers seem to be going with the argument that Robert Mueller's team of prosecutors is so DOY DOY DOY dumb that they don't even know how to legally and properly execute search warrants, which for some reason doesn't sound quite accurate to us.
Continuing with that theme, they are now arguing that the warrant executed in Mueller's early morning KNOCK KNOCK MOTHERFUCKER raid (just like the one Michael Cohen got!) on Manafort's Alexandria condo was unfair, because the FBI took TOO MANY computers, and have you heard about how computers store information these days? Jesus and the founding fathers obviously did not intend for investigators to be able to get the type of information stored on computers when they wrote the Fourth Amendment:
Manafort's defense team said the fact that modern communications are stored on computers exacerbated the excessive scope of the search warrant, issued by U.S. Magistrate Judge Theresa Buchanan at the request of prosecutors working for Special Counel Robert Mueller.
"Once inside, the agents seized or imaged every electronic device and storage device in the home," defense attorneys Kevin Downing and Thomas Zehnle complained in their motion filed Monday night. "The Fourth Amendment does not permit the warrant that was issued in this case, which was essentially a general warrant for 'any and all' financial documents and electronic devices."
You can't get a warrant and just take stuff, especially if that stuff is computers that might have evidence of crimes!
If you'd like to read the filing for yourself, it is here.If you would like to NOT do that, rest assured it's just a long document that pretty baselessly claims that Robert Mueller didn't follow the rules and Robert Mueller's warrant is over-broad and that Robert Mueller didn't have probable cause and that Robert Mueller microwaves fish in the break room. Also, it isn't fair that the agents took all the Manafort family's iPods, because how could they commit crimes with those? Those are just for listening to Taylor Swift, which has very little to do -- presumably -- with Paul Manafort's decades of crime. Finally, Manafort's lawyers allege that the feds have kept all the good shit they found at Casa Manafort for TOO LONG, which means according to the law, it is time to GIVE IT BACK.
It is a just a very good motion to suppress evidence.
Legal Twitter is extremely impressed:
As we said above, those lawyers are earning their paycheck. Can't wait to see what shit they throw at the wall next!
(SPOILER: It will be dumb shit.)
Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE.
Spending more time with his lawyers and SS Cos-play costumes?
That phrasing was extremely excremental!