477 Comments

"Come on, jump! There'll be free Giant Slushies for everyone!"

Also, I thought an ice-burg was a cold meat sandwich, whereas an iceberg is a floating piece of frozen water - no??? ; ^ )

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I heard it joked on A Prairie Home companion a while ago that Drumpf actually doesn't want to keep running. "Why do you think I'm saying so many terrible things? But nothing's working!"

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I've loved her for years and years (at a respectful distance and in a non-stalker manner.)

She is a great actress who also seems to be a nice, unaffected person.

And funny as hell.

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It's not so much identity politics with The Donald as a good, old-fashioned affinity scam.

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Pammy has always been a bit ripe for my taste, I'm just sayin'.

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"I'm going to defend our ideas"

Oh, rllllllllllly? Here's an idea worth defending: when a presidential candidate is a RACIST Republican who regularly makes RACIST comments, supporting him kinda makes you a RACIST too! I know, fucking weird, huh Paul "Oh The Humanity!" Ryan???

Please note: RACIST was intentionally put in ALL CAPS for the RWNJNWI = Right Wing Nut Jobbers [that are] Normal Writing Impaired so that they might edjumikate theyselves guud if they visit these non-comments comments

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Can we just fast forward to the part where Drumpf is inexplicably wiped out by an Ornithopter that has somehow become a 7/5 red artifact creature with First Strike and Trample?

(that's how my last game ended, anyway)

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Fuckin' WORD. I've got better legs, and the only weight I lift is a hyperactive baby.

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I'm pretty sure I've seen Slave Leia bikinis do a better job of covering asses than Ryan did.

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But-but-but-- he dated* that one cool black chick in college that one time!!!!

*Agreed to be seen in public with her if it would help him appear very not racist.

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That's Dr. Spock to you, sadboi!

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ORANGIST!!! ORANGUTANGIST!!! DEAD-WEASEL-ON-HER-HEADIST!!!

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Can't wait to see what happens when - and I say "when" because, let's face it, it's gonna happen - Drumpf actually uses the N-word live on teevee.

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This just in, Trumpy eats three brown babbys and a taco bowl for lunch on live TV.

Ryan: "It's indeed unfortunate for Our Dear Future Leader to have consumed those babbys for lunch today, but I have it on good authority that those 9 month-olds were all unemployed thugs, hustlahs and hos anyway."

McTurtle: "And one of them was brandishing a very threatening Tickel-Me-Elmo hoodie so Trumpetstain was just standing his lunch!"

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I'mma go with some version of Goth. I don't care if "draconian" is technically based on an Athenian lawyer-type. I still reminds me of Dracula.

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Now give us Two Corinthians!

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