Peace In Middle East Not Co-Operating With Idiot's Demands

And holy crap, Dear Leader's own generals hid details from him!

Pottery fire bomb from the National museum of Iran in Tehran, 1200 - 1300 CE, made to be loaded with 'Greek fire' and hurled at the enemy with a catapult. The fact it survived means it was either a dud or the war was over. Photo: Harm Joris ten Napel, Wikimedia Commons

So much for a ceasefire between Iran and Israel! Dear Leader’s Middle East bumblefuck gets bumblier and fuckier by the minute! This morning before taking off for the NATO summit, Dear Leader had a curse word to say.

The biggest load we’ve ever seen.

You might be wondering how he got there! Hours after Donald Trump, who is somehow president of the United States, posted on his shitty, glitchy web platform that there was a ceasefire, it turned out that it only existed in his own mind and was news to Israel and Iran. And then Israel bombed Iran again, making a complete fool of him. It’s almost like Netanyahu is determined to control the entire region one way or another, safety of his own people be damned, and Trump is his useful idiot.

And putting on his fake Twitter that there are concepts of a ceasefire is not the same thing as actually brokering one, turns out.

Let us go back to when we last left this story, 24-ish hours ago, and Trump was coming off of violating international and US law to bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb Iran on Saturday, down into the mountain where Trump thought they were keeping their enriched uranium.

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But d’oh, thanks to terminally online guy’s days of blather about what he was planning to do, the Iranians had ample time to move their uranium away to parts unknown/Smaug’s mountain, and Pete Hegseth and Dan “Razin” Caine conceded on national TV that the Fordo Frodo-bunker was damaged, but not destroyed. Guess who wasn’t trying to hear that though! TruthSocialed he,

“The sites that we hit in Iran were totally destroyed, and everyone knows it. Only the Fake News would say anything different in order to try and demean, as much as possible — And even they say they were ‘pretty well destroyed!’ Working especially hard on this falsehood is Allison Cooper of Fake News CNN, Dumb Brian L. Roberts, Chairman of ‘Con’cast, Jonny Karl of ABC Fake News, and always, the Losers of, again, Concast’s NBC Fake News. It never ends with the sleazebags in the Media, and that’s why their Ratings are at an ALL TIME LOW — ZERO CREDIBILITY!”

Allison Cooper? Is that Alice’s brother?

Now JD Vance is saying the US never really cared about finding that uranium anyway: “I think that's actually not the question before us. The question before us is, ‘Can Iran enrich the uranium to weapons grade level, and can they convert that fuel to a nuclear weapon?’”

Yeah, dipshit, that is the exact same question there was before the bombing.

Anyway, with the world on tenterhooks waiting to see what Iran might do, they came up with a solution off of the pages of one of the missing tales of Scheherazade: Bomb the US Al Udeid base in Qatar, with a symbolic same number of bombs that the Americans dropped on Iran, and give the US and Qatar ample heads up so that the base could be evacuated. Probably behind the scenes Iran also reassured him that oh yeah, all that uranium, totally obliterated, no need to keep looking for it! There, we got you back, everybody’s happy. Indeed, the spectacle pleased and distracted Shahriyar Trump:

“Iran has officially responded to our Obliteration of their Nuclear Facilities with a very weak response, which we expected, and have very effectively countered. There have been 14 missiles fired — 13 were knocked down, and 1 was ‘set free,’ because it was headed in a nonthreatening direction. I am pleased to report that NO Americans were harmed, and hardly any damage was done. Most importantly, they’ve gotten it all out of their ‘system,’ and there will, hopefully, be no further HATE. I want to thank Iran for giving us early notice, which made it possible for no lives to be lost, and nobody to be injured. Perhaps Iran can now proceed to Peace and Harmony in the Region, and I will enthusiastically encourage Israel to do the same. Thank you for your attention to this matter!

“DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA”

My goodness does Iran have his number! Maybe that chat their foreign minister had with Putin helped. But whatever, everybody got everything out of everybody’s system, great!

HOORAY!

And Dear Leader expounded:

“CONGRATULATIONS TO EVERYONE! It has been fully agreed by and between Israel and Iran that there will be a Complete and Total CEASEFIRE (in approximately 6 hours from now, when Israel and Iran have wound down and completed their in progress, final missions!), for 12 hours, at which point the War will be considered, ENDED!”

And made up a fantasy story with himself in the middle:

“Israel & Iran came to me, almost simultaneously, and said, ‘PEACE!’ I knew the time was NOW. The World, and the Middle East, are the real WINNERS! Both Nations will see tremendous LOVE, PEACE, AND PROSPERITY in their futures. They have so much to gain, and yet, so much to lose if they stray from the road of RIGHTEOUSNESS & TRUTH. The future for Israel & Iran is UNLIMITED, & filled with great PROMISE. GOD BLESS YOU BOTH!”

But derp, a mere hour later Iran's Foreign Minister, Sayed Abbas Araghachi, posted on X that NO, they did not all have a King Night together with their loads, the man is living in a reality show alone in his own brain:

“As Iran has repeatedly made clear: Israel launched war on Iran, not the other way around.

“As of now, there is NO ‘agreement’ on any ceasefire or cessation of military operations. However, provided that the Israeli regime stops its illegal aggression against the Iranian people no later than 4 am Tehran time, we have no intention to continue our response afterwards.”

But nope, Israel couldn’t, wouldn’t, didn’t, as much as Trump tried to TruthSocial his way out some more:

“ISRAEL is not going to attack Iran. All planes will turn around and head home, while doing a friendly ‘Plane Wave’ to Iran. Nobody will be hurt, the Ceasefire is in effect! Thank you for your attention to this matter! DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES”

Just flying over with a little plane wave!

“ISRAEL. DO NOT DROP THOSE BOMBS. IF YOU DO IT IS A MAJOR VIOLATION. BRING YOUR PILOTS HOME, NOW! DONALD J. TRUMP, PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES”

But even though he WROTE IN ALL CAPS AND EVERYTHING, Netanyahu ignored him. Weak!

And, holy shit, The New York Times details the lead-up to the bombing, buckle up. Remember those two decoy planes that took off for Guam? It turns out those planes were not to fool Iran, but to fool the Commander-in-Chief. Imagine this was Biden, etc. etc!

Concerned that the Gameshow Host-in-Chief had been TruthSocialing heads-up, like “everyone should evacuate Tehran!” and “stay tuned!” the Pentagon and US Central Command, led by Gen. Michael Erik “Gorilla” Kurilla and Dan “Razin” Caine, decided that the president himself was the “biggest threat to opsec,” and

built their own deception into the attack plan: a second group of B-2 bombers that would leave Missouri and head west over the Pacific Ocean in a way that flight trackers would be able to monitor on Saturday. That left a misimpression, for many observers and presumably Iran, about the timing and path of the attack, which would come from another direction entirely.

Uh, WTF? Hiding things from the Commander-in-Chief?! That seems like a pretty big fucking deal! Also that the Commander-in-Chief could be fooled into thinking just two planes were going to carry out the entire mission. And hey, where was Pete while all this was going on, why is he not in this story anywhere? HIC? Or Tulsi Gabbard? He doesn’t need any stinkin’ intelligence!

The NYT also details how in the 30 hours between Karoline Leavitt’s collapsing lips declaring a two-week “pause” and Gorilla and Razin’ bombing anyway, instead of consulting with experts or something, the head of the world’s largest armed forces was mainlining Fox News to figure out what to think, where hawks like Hannity and Mark Levin had been pumping hard and pushing it real good for the US to drop bombs. “Several Trump advisers lamented the fact that Mr. Carlson was no longer on Fox, which meant that Mr. Trump was not hearing much of the other side of the debate.”

In the end, his Swiss-cheese brain melted and he decided to go for it, in a hurry, and here we are.

Let us hope that these concepts of ceasefire really do mean the man is retreating from Middle Eastern forever war. If nothing else, he seems to realize that there’s nothing but losing loserness to come from it, and looking weak and pathetic as fuck, and he does hate to be publicly embarrassed, with the heat of a thousand bombs. Whatever works!

But it’s all some disturbing and crazy shit, man!

[ NPR / New York Times archive link / New Lines Magazine ]

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