520 Comments
User's avatar
Joe Z's avatar

I had a dream that I was bitten by a penguin. What sorcery is this?

kmblue187's avatar

Penquin eyes are startling.

Suzie Greenburg's avatar

I love that I can see the texture of the feathers in this clip!

Mike_Cramer's avatar

Tekeli-li! Tekeli-li!

TootsStansbury 🇺🇦's avatar

“Whazzis, can I EAT IT?”

Michael's avatar

Definitely not the the last thing one would want to see.

TootsStansbury 🇺🇦's avatar

The rest of the world has vultures and buzzards, Antarctica has penguins.

Kay Ducky's avatar

This new 3D Avatar movie is kinda disappointing. Too short. Two Stars.

Shocktreatment's avatar

The 50s mined the Giant Bug Movie genre pretty thoroughly. Giant Penguins were completely overlooked!

The Wanderer's avatar

He's not glabrous and blind, so he's not from Beyond the Mountains of Madness.

Alpaca Suitcase's avatar

Video visits with the otolaryngologist are so weird.

S. E. B.'s avatar

"I'd like to talk to you about your extended warranty."

Kay Ducky's avatar

I worked retail for a lot of years and never pushed extended warranties, even though I would get poor grades at review time. "It's got a warranty for a year, if it doesn't work, just return it, and you are buying a TV for like 300 bucks" I would casually say...

The same, but harder on store credit cards. If we even got enough people to apply, accepted by the bank or not, even the lowliest employee would get a HUNDO or TWO as a bonus. What does that tell you about how much a bank makes off of the average poor credit holder? Seriously, that's just one store out of thousands, every quarter -Walmart_

I'd do the spiel if someone asked, but I never pushed credit card applications. Others always hit the mark, so I don't feel bad, but at least my direct superiors who liked me and I could laugh at my numbers.

Jamoche's avatar

Fry’s tried to push an extended warranty on a $30 DVD player. “But what if it stops working?” I’ll buy another one, which will probably be cheaper and have more features?

I’ve just realized that DVD player outlasted Fry’s.

Kay Ducky's avatar

Wait, Fry's is gone? I bought a TV from them 20 years ago. They honored my price match with a $179 credit, and then gave me a second $179 price match credit. How did they mismanage money so badly?!

Jamoche's avatar

Bad customer service, mismanagement, and then Lockdown.

Kay Ducky's avatar

The warranties scaled by purchase price, up to $120 for three years, I think, but the base cost was 40 or 50 dollars.

Tommy Mo's avatar

Do you have a moment to talk about your relationship with Jesus?

Kay Ducky's avatar

*violent reaction*

The Wanderer's avatar

"Are you paying too much for your car insurance?"

The Wanderer's avatar

AIYEE! PENGUIN KAIJU!

Menotsure's avatar

When I see penguins I can't help but hear the voice of Don Adams as Tennessee Tuxedo.

The Wanderer's avatar

Ah, sweet nostalgia.

C&A Bongo Man's avatar

"Curses. It's only a fisheye lens, not a real fish eye."

freakishlystrong's avatar

Aww..something cute that waddles as opposed to something ugly that also hogs cameras.

Al Bellenchia's avatar

Tastes like snozzberry!

Al Bellenchia's avatar

Tastes like snozzberry!

Crip Dyke's avatar

That McSweeney's "voted for the mayor" piece was outstanding.

Ward From Cali's avatar

About Denny Carter's inflation article -- to recap, he witnessed people being charged $17.22 for a bagel and an orange juice, $19 for a slice and a water, and was himself charged $18 for two lemonades for his kids.

Gotta point out that this was at the boardwalk at Ocean City. Not because it negates the outrage to say that people were being so outrageously overcharged at a known tourist trap, but because it suggests a clue as to the cause.

Vendors are charging that much because they have to pay through the nose for their concessions.

In other words, rent. That's what's driving prices. Rent. Ya wanna do anything about prices, ya better start getting real Socialist about rents, because the capitalists are buying up everything.

Alternative Dog's avatar

The Clintons' letter to Comer:

"Americans are better at finding the truth than you are at burying it."

Well said.

Joe Schmoe, Troublemaker's avatar

Freeze tRump! Melt ICE! Department of War no more!

Freeze tRump! Melt ICE! Department of War no more!

Freeze tRump! Melt ICE! Department of War no more!

Claudette Colvin you're an inspiration and now a literal angel. 🥰

Virgin Monk Boy's avatar

“Pedo protector” is apparently where the line finally is. Not the policies, not the violence, not the lies. Just someone saying the quiet part out loud on a factory floor and suddenly everyone’s clutching pearls.

Ruhe's avatar

"I bet the mayor is about to fix up the bowling alley, and I’ll walk in, and I’ll be twelve again, and all the adults will be so tall, and it will be my party, and everyone—even the kids who don’t like me—will have to sing happy birthday. The previous mayor said that rebuilding the bowling alley wouldn’t make it 1996 again, which, to me, is unacceptable."

The quintessence of MAGA.

Mr Mild - BlueVotingBastard💙's avatar

In a world of Scott Adams’, be a Claudette Colvin.

Cincinnatus's avatar

Make of this what you will. RFKJR on Katie Miller's podcast:

“The interesting thing about the president is that he eats really bad food,” Kennedy said, pointing to Trump’s fondness for McDonald’s and Diet Coke. Kennedy added: “He has the constitution of a deity. I don’t know how he’s alive, but he is.” “If you travel with him, you get this idea that he’s just pumping himself full of poison all day long and you don’t know how he’s walking around, much less being the most energetic person any of us have ever met,” According to Kennedy, Oz “looked at his medical records and said he’s got the highest testosterone levels that he’s ever seen for an individual over 70 years old.” Trump is 79. “I know the president will be happy that I repeat that,” Kennedy added.

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/rfk-jr-donald-trump-health_n_69675074e4b0141cc9b1b314?origin=home-latest-news-unit

Pere Ubu's avatar

So much energy!

I hear amphetamine salts will do that.

(BTW I was SO disappointed to find out amphetamine salts probably do NOT taste salty; a chemical "salt" can actually have any flavor, such as lead salts being sweet.)

Babe Paley's avatar

The highest testosterone levels?

There goes breakfast.

Lance Thrustwell's avatar

That penguin is so cute!

Of course, to a herring, that is the face of death.

Shallow state's avatar

In the before times I really think I could have laughed at that McSweeney's satire. Now? It didn't even prompt so much as a giggle. Too fucking true.

Margo Lindsey's avatar

Ever wonder why the bankers, billionaires and tech bros all support Trump? Because he guarantees they will be rich, get big tax breaks, oppose workers’ rights, continue their efforts to eliminate unions, and allow unlimited pollution, including green house gases from fossil fuels. He’s all in for ongoing squeeze on workers and actually hates them. Hence, the finger, same one from corporate class every day.

Parakeetist's avatar

There are lots and lots and lots of critters who are completely, wonderfully gay.

Go out and get the book "Queer Ducks" at the library. I just did.

The book is by Eliot Schrefer. It talks about how everything from bugs to giraffes to penguins have been found making same-sex love to one another. It's high-quality research, science-based, and a love story all in one. ;)

Sherry's avatar

I’m still aghast that they are vilifying this poor woman AND her wife. These people are monsters.

Erika's avatar

Bill Clinton is no angel, not by a long shot, but he did put out that statement a few weeks ago that was basically, BRING IT ON, so I'm fine with them not testifying. The whole thing would be disingenuous bullshit anyway.