482 Comments
User's avatar
JJ-TaxNinny's avatar

Fucking Hegseth.

I made a couple of songs about him. Would love some free subscribers.

https://www.democracyonhospice.com/p/five-stars-and-two-drinks-in-hegseth

Expand full comment
Daniel O'Riordan's avatar

I like to call him Blackout Pete.

Expand full comment
Lawyers, Guns 'n' Money's avatar

I live overseas and fairly close to a military base, which broadcasts AFN (Armed Forces Network) radio. I can't pick it up at my house, but when I do drive toward the base, I occasionally switch the radio over to catch the four minutes of news headlines they broadcast at the top of the hour. The four minutes breaks down like this: two minutes of national news, one minute of military news and one minute of sports. One day last week, I switched over to hear the news and the 3rd minute (the military news), they had a commentator (forget his name, but I know I've heard his name mentioned in podcasts) that absolutely brutalized Hegseth. THIS WAS ON ARMED FORCES NETWORK! It seems the military leadership is none too happy to have an unqualified moron running the show.

Expand full comment
Daniel O'Riordan's avatar

I wonder if Pete's the only unqualified moron running the show military leadership is none too happy about?

Expand full comment
Buzz Cleek's avatar

HOGBREATH COULDN’T

WORK BEHIND A CANDY

COUNTER PENTAGON?

A. PVT LEADING A FOUR-

STAR GENERAL?? GLWT

Expand full comment
Diggy Styon's avatar

Evan I enjoy your writing immensely; it's hilarious! However, it's become tonaly inconsistent with the gravity and seriousness of the current situation. Witty sarcasm and colorful jokes in 100% all for - but I find the tone is undermining the serious nature of the subject matter. This is no laughing matter. I can't believe I'm saying this, because humor for me is essential in all aspects of life. But I simply cannot laugh about what's going on. I'm fucking terrified. This is serious man.

Expand full comment
Erin's avatar

Old Soviet joke:

"A comrade was sentenced to 10 years hard labor today for calling Premier Brezhnev an idiot. He received 5 years for insulting the Premier and 5 years for revealing state secrets."

Expand full comment
SigDeFlyinMonky's avatar

Meanwhile… Radio Armenia was asked….

Expand full comment
larry gassan's avatar

"Mrs Three-Pete, you're wanted in the SCIF"

Expand full comment
Stulexington's avatar

Because the most important thing for anyone working in the government is loyalty and pointing out how disgustingly unqualified Hegseth is shows disloyalty.

Expand full comment
"M"'s avatar

#HowFascistRegimesOperate

our daily reminder that fascist regimes always fail

Expand full comment
Jens TINGLEFF's avatar

The need of the Guru / el Presidente / the Boss to feel safe from anyone on the inside dictates that all underlings are incompetent.

Expand full comment
Daniel O'Riordan's avatar

I worked for a guy, an elected official whose salary was mandated by law, who insisted that everyone should make less than him because he was the boss. Some positions, especially in IT, had higher salaries because of the job requirements. He bought those guys off from jumping to another elected official offering a realistic wage by giving them cars, parking spaces, phones, and laptops. All being paid for by the taxpayers, of course.

The rest of the uppity-ups who didn't get those perks raised holy hell, and he had to get them all phones, laptops, and parking spaces, but he couldn't swing that many vehicles.

Expand full comment
Stephanie Hobbs's avatar

Drunkle Pete is giving away secrets to all his "friends".

Expand full comment
SkeptiKC's avatar

I am sitting here seething with my pipe in my hand.

SCOTUS is preparing to hear the Fetid Fascist's arguments regarding birth right citizenship. He is utterly in defiance of the US Constitution...again.

I HATE that damned traitor so much that it hurts.

Expand full comment
Bitter Scribe's avatar

So this Ullyot got thrown under the bus, and didn't like it. He's lucky they didn't accuse him of "malicious compliance," like they did the poor schmuck who memory-holed the Tuskegee Airmen.

Of course no one can "comply" with "anti-DEI mandates," maliciously or otherwise, because 𝘯𝘰 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸𝘴 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘮𝘦𝘢𝘯.

Expand full comment
"M"'s avatar

Oh - we know what they mean

"No women should be hired because they should all be home subservient to the men in theri lives"

"No Black people or brown immigrants should be hired because we want them all to effectively be slaves"

That's what it means. Let's stop pussy-footing around their actual intentions, how about that?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HOVKkwgJld0

Expand full comment
Bitter Scribe's avatar

Sure, but directives like "remove DEI from your archives" are so ridiculously vague that they could mean anything--or, more likely nothing. That's a feature, not a bug; the vaguer the law, the more people get scared into complying in advance.

Expand full comment
Judi Lakin's avatar

Another DEI hire—-drunk, egotistic ignorant! He needs to go back to rehab.

Expand full comment
"M"'s avatar

I need that acronym to be used for what it really stands for -- "diversity, equity, and inclusion", because that is *good for the country* -- and drunk white nationalist terrorist incompetents like Hic!seth and his Nazi minions like Ullyoth be referred to by the terms they have earned

WEI

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ElYbXs17wEI

(DUI will also suffice)

Expand full comment
Daniel O'Riordan's avatar

I have read on the internets that our Mr. Secretary of Defense Blackout Pete Hegseth really hates being called a DUI hire.

I think it was one of those things that leaked from the Pentagon.

Expand full comment
🍁 L Ron Pony's avatar

You guys might as well bring the troops home and park the carriers and mothball the planes. Any suggestion that the US is a significant military power will be met with loud and prolonged laughter.

Expand full comment
Daniel O'Riordan's avatar

The first laugh, and we send L'il Marco Rubio to open up a can of whoop-ass.

Expand full comment
Hooker P Tape skipping dipshit's avatar

We're not defending the free world anymore so why not. Cut defense by 50 %.

Expand full comment
🍁 L Ron Pony's avatar

Well, maybe 5%. The 95% can go to suppressing the populace.

Expand full comment
Trux Mint In Box's avatar

“The leaks under investigation include military operational plans for the Panama Canal, a second carrier headed to the Red Sea, Elon Musk’s controversial visit to the Pentagon to discuss China and a pause in the collection of intelligence for Ukraine, according to the official.”

Why does this list remind me of when you are embarrassed to buy porn so you throw in some other random shit to “hide” the fact.

“So beef jerky, Milk, one Penthouse forum and 100,000 dollar bar. Is that it?”

“How did THAT get in there! Oh well I’ll just buy them”

In this analogy, the Musk thing is the dirty magazine

Expand full comment
"M"'s avatar

I'm really glad this leaked.

Because I'm sure their "attack" on Panama was going to be some sneak attack unprovoked sh*t

Expand full comment
Lund-O-Matic's avatar

Snek .

Expand full comment
Daniel O'Riordan's avatar

Probably why it leaked.

Some Gulf of Tonkin bullshit, no doubt.

Expand full comment
Sojourner44's avatar

The Trump cabinet. So many clowns, so many scandals. So soon.

Expand full comment
🍁 L Ron Pony's avatar

Gotta admire their commitment to the bit.

Expand full comment