29 Comments
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fuflans's avatar

you know i didn't want to read this shit. i really didn't.

but it's late, i'm drunk, the pantry was especially depressing today, i can't go to sleep for another 2 hours (too complicated to explain) and i just finished this week's economist.

JESUS CHRIST THESE PEOPLE ARE BLOODY MAGGOTS AND I DO NOT WANT TO READ ABOUT THEM.

seriously. cover fucking nazis. cover pedaphiles. cover arugula. cover sharks. cover hollywood.

just stop fucking covering these freakshow pastors who have a pipeline to god for their obscenities.

gross.

chiefkurtz's avatar

He may out bake Jim Bakker and out swagger Jimmy Swaggart, but he'll never out rob Pat Robertson.

Charon's Avatar's avatar

It's a good thing Ernest's eyesight has failed in old age, because if he saw that death mask in the mirror every morning when he adjusts the dead raccoon on his head, he'd surely do the right thing and make an appointment the local faith-healer mortuary to get outfitted in the latest "Goin' Home to Jebus" casket.

Msgr MΞ©ment classic β˜‘οΈ's avatar

Don't want them going away half-cocked.

Dashboard Buddha's avatar

"flying to missions in Africa"

Ye cats and little fishes...If this fucker did all of this in the US, just what the hell did he do in Africa??

Vienna Woods's avatar

Speaking for a friend?

Vienna Woods's avatar

I called my unborn first-born "the parasite", to the shock and horror of others. At 24 yrs old, it still really applies (sigh)

Lot_49's avatar

Thank doG for local papers like the Akron <i>Beacon Journal,</i> still afflicting the comfortable.

Good_Gawd_Yall - Unperson's avatar

The real downside of this story, for me, is that this fucker won't live to be punished as he ought to be. He deserves about 30 years in prison, but he'll die before they can convict him, if Joe Paterno is any kind of indicator. On the bright side, the congregants should be able to sue his estate for every penny it has, and if they hurry this through the courts, might even make it in time to force the "reverend" to scrounge his last few meals from a garbage can.

π”…π”’π”’π”©π”·π”’π”Ÿπ”²π”Ÿπ”Ÿπ”ž's avatar

Why choose? Go with Gay Black Commie Jeebus, and you've got the bases covered.

π”…π”’π”’π”©π”·π”’π”Ÿπ”²π”Ÿπ”Ÿπ”ž's avatar

And you wonder how they can <i>vote</i> against their self interest?

π”…π”’π”’π”©π”·π”’π”Ÿπ”²π”Ÿπ”Ÿπ”ž's avatar

"Seed money." Heh. The jokes just write themselves with these guys.

The Quirk's avatar

Plastic? I thought that was wet roadkill.

PubOption's avatar

There was that disciple 'whom Jesus Loved'.

AngryBlakGuy's avatar

<em>"And let’s just be completely clear on this: it is definitely not gay if you talk about women. Also, something about balls not touching, as we understand it.</em>

<strong>CORRECTION</strong>: You can touch balls as much as you want, it's when your penises touch that you are officicially gay! Just ask Lindsey Graham!