Pete Hegseth Fails 'Face The Nation' Appearance Like Common Field Sobriety Test

We watch so you never have to.

Before Donald Trump could have his “I’m a big birthday boy” extravaganza disguised as a celebration of our country’s 250th birthday on Sunday night, his favorite sycophant, Secretary of War Crimes Pete Hegseth, appeared on Sunday’s Face The Nation on CBS.

Let’s dive straight into his lies and ass-kissing Daddy issues:

Appearing remotely from Tennessee, Hegseth began by saying they are on track to have a deal with Iran signed on Sunday. (Update: They didn’t sign anything on Sunday. But maybe he meant next Sunday. Or the one after that. Or the one after …)

Hegseth, the human embodiment of male fragility, went into a long diatribe about how Trump is tough, and the Obama Joint Comprehensive Plan Of Action for Iran (JCPOA) was cucked, when host Margaret Brennan asked if this deal means they will pull back troops from the region.

But in his AI-written attempts at wit, he kinda shit on a pillar of GOP politics.

HEGSETH: And this deal, as we talk about aspects of the deal, some of which have come up publicly, are totally wrong. It is — it's performance-based. No money released to Iran until they perform. “There's no trust and verify.” There's no trust here and we're going to verify everything.

He seems on edge, desperately trying to explain why his Daddy’s deal is different from or better than what Barack Obama already did for America in 2015, like this isn’t only happening because thin-skinned Trump can’t handle the fact that Obama achieved something he couldn’t. But part of why he seems jumpy would appear to be that outlets like Reuters and Iran’s Mehr News Agency are reporting alleged details of the proposed deal, including:

If you are familiar with the Obama JCPOA that Trump threw out, this is not only worse but would be an outright total win for Iran, if true. (And if Hegseth and the Trump regime are mad people are inclined to believe Iranian state media over them, well maybe they should fucking lie less.) If the “deal” ends up looking like that — if there even is a deal signed — then all these years Trump and MAGA media lied about the “$400 million pallets of cash Obama gave Iran,” and here they are poised to give them so much more!

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Hegseth continued bragging about the awesomeness of this deal, while being as vague about details as UN ambassador and fellow Signal chat pal Mike Waltz was the same day on ABC’s This Week, even as Brennan continued interjecting that it seemed like a shittier version of the previous deal.

Brennan moved to how quickly the blockade of the Strait of Hormuz would end, thus eventually easing our fuel prices, and Hegseth couldn’t help continuing to bluster and lie and suck up to Daddy, who makes the rules about what he’s allowed to say:

HEGSETH: Unlike Obama, President Trump is smart about these things, he's not going to just give it away. […] We have controlled the Strait this entire time. […]

BRENNAN: Right, you’re going to negotiate with them to re--

(CROSSTALK)

HEGSETH: --immediately and gradually.

BRENNAN: --to reopen it.

We’re not experts on fuel shipping lanes, but if you’ve had control this whole time, wouldn’t that mean you are solely responsible for the global energy crisis? Like the whole time?

Doesn’t that also mean that when others country’s ships passed while US ones got droned, you were bad at controlling the Strait of Hormuz? Dunno, seems like this guy is a real idiot, that’s how it seems.

After briefly salivating about further invasions like they did in Venezuela, like the Western Hemisphere is an open bar, Hegseth tried to lie about what his Daddy has done to energy prices:

HEGSETH: He’s made us energy independent at home, we’re export, net exporter. […]

BRENNAN: Yeah, energy prices are pretty high right now. So, I don’t know that the independence is helping people at the pump —

HEGSETH: — they are coming down and you’ve seen it. They are.

They are, in fact, not coming down, folks. At least not substantially enough to be bragging about it.

Hegseth was ALMOST out of there, like it was one of his marriages or something, when Brennan asked about what’s going on with our country’s stockpiles and munitions. Mainly, the slow production of them and the replenishment of those used up during America’s various attempts to foreign policy in a straight line. But, again, Hegseth couldn’t help but lie and bluster until his own petard hoisted him:

HEGSETH: Nobody makes better and more munitions than the United States of America […] our stockpiles are strong and they will only get stronger in the future--

BRENNAN: But […] there is a crisis with those stockpiles right now. […]

HEGSETH: No, there’s not.

BRENNAN: You have testified to it in front of Congress.

HEGSETH: That is a manufactured story that the media wants to peddle. And ultimately, our stockpiles are great, and they’ll only get stronger because of the way this president has--

BRENNAN: You testified under oath that it would take years to rebuild those.

HEGSETH: — if anything, it was the Biden administration that gave away munitions to the — you don’t have to read back to me what I, what I testified.

Well, when you have a Defense secretary who seems to be forgetting things like that all the time …

Here are some more clips of Hegseth showing us what “strength” looks like.

Sorry, those weren’t the clips where Hegseth demonstrated “strength.”

Maybe it’s this one:

Nope, sorry, can’t find an internet clip where Hegseth looks “strong.” Oh well.

Have a week.

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