692 Comments
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Jeanne Norris Neal's avatar

This regime is making me so mean, so angry and I'm a 73 yr old woman so my T level is most likely close to 0. I still feel like I could take Hegseth in a fight because his absurd and ignorant words and actions trigger me more than any testosterone level could!

In the past, when I really disliked, even hated someone in a position of power, I was able to avoid wishing bodily harm on them, instead I would hope for them to be fired, voted out, sent to prison, lose their careers. No more. I sincerely hope Pete Hegseth gets prostate cancer. He has a higher likelihood than many, because there is a correlation between history of excessive alcohol use and aggressive prostate cancer. And guess what prostate cancer feeds on? Right, testosterone... In my fantasy, once he's diagnosed and offered standard hormone therapy to lower testosterone and beat the cancer, I suggest a bill to deny such "gender affirming care" to anyone claiming to be a warrior. Karma where are you?

Tommymo's avatar

Turns your grapes to raisins

Tessie's avatar

Enjoy your myocardial infarctions, fellas.

Pig Bodine's avatar

Hegseth: Will continue Blue Angels low flyovers until morale and T levels improve. Now on a completely separate note that has nothing to do with the Blue Angels and low testosterone, the United States Air Force will be assisting the search for a missing Pensacola child who definitely wasn't on and the beach so there was no way he could have been sucked into the jet's engine during this morning's low flyover.

Alpaca22's avatar

Is this all so that Drunk Pete can get his T refilled? He will go first to show the troops that it is all fine and dandy.

Martin Shobe's avatar

If he does, he'll be the best advertisement against low-T therapy ever.

The Golden Hamster's avatar

If it weren't for pseudoscience why we'd have no science at all!

JenTheFriend's avatar

So, will transmen in the military be able to get this testosterone? I thought Republicans hated using medication for gender affirmation. Oh, I see. It's ok for cisgendered people but no one else.

tim gueguen's avatar

Coming soon, Pete from Fox will order the Army and Marines to replace their firearms with big sticks. Because American "warfighters" don't need wimpy things like M16s and M249s.

David T on the Screen's avatar

I checked twice and the RFK jr sperm text links to the DJ Vance whining piece. The JD Vance whining link text also links to his whiny piece.

BillEGoatSmile's avatar

It sounds like he just wants all of our male troops to have 'roid rage. I for one will take a hard pass on having all of those folks living next door to me in polite society.

Wokey McWokeface's avatar

In the heat of battle, do you want to be Sergeant Roid Rage, the high-T alpha male charging into battle? Or do you want to be the skinny little weakling nerd drone operator hiding in the basement with your nerdy VR glasses?

Oh, wait...

Mysterysurf's avatar

Does Hegseth's wife still accompany him when he makes his rounds at the Pentagon and elsewhere? Does she tag along when he has to go potty?

Rad's avatar

To paraphrase Carol Burnett singing from "Once Upon A Mattress",

"Pete, you've always been GAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!

Confess it you're GAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!

Can't you guess that this confident air is just a mask that wear wear 'cause your GAAAAAAAAAY!!!?"

Marty Smit's avatar

I bet Hegseth giggled like a little girl when he first came up with the term ‘warfighters’, then he pointed his fingers and went ‘pew, pew, pew.’

Kay Ducky's avatar

Warfighter and Boyfucker were the same word in ancient Greek.

zuludaddy (seamonkey!)'s avatar

also too

MAGA

is "666" in roman numerals

Joel Raven's avatar

What he really seems to want is ONLY soldiers with balls.

Kid 'n Nipple-Play's avatar

Only soldiers with balls. Shrunken and shriveled little 'roid balls.

Linoleum von Curmudgeon, Esq.'s avatar

Our military industrial complex has always struggled to find suitable test subjects for research purposes for chemical weapons. Back in the 1940s and 50s Kook-O Kola Korp. found ways to test the effectiveness of the compounds by delivering them in bottles of Kook-O Kola to specific areas in third world countries and observing the death rates.

But that changed in the 60s once the UN found out what was going on. What to do so we could keep up with the Soviets? Fortunately a young Senator from TX proposed an exclusive contract be given to Kook-O Kola to provide and fill the vending machines on all the military bases inside the US.

I understand Kook-O Kola has recently been acquired by General Electric. Some things never change.

Alpaca22's avatar

Along with all the shit the US has trialed in 3rd world countries. And folk wonder why these countries may have hate boners for the US.