Please Read The Letter. Tabs, Tues., Aug. 4, 2026

Aug 04, 2026

Morning, let’s have a bowl of tabs!

Judge Boxwine Firing Watch. Donald Trump is VERY MAD at Jeanine Pirro for failing to successfully pursue fake/made-up charges against people for touching his precious Reflecting Pool that he fucked himself by being a bad developer. Will she get fired? Don’t know, but if you bought some extra stock in box wine companies today anticipating a surge in sales, we wouldn’t think that was crazy. [New York Times / New York Times / CNN]

Donald Trump’s little pomeranian ass-sniffer Todd Blanche promised on a call with a bunch of Christian Nazi types last week to make abortion illegal in every state. Not sure how he thinks he can do that, but if he does, we can thank Thom Tillis and John Cornyn for caving and voting to make him Trump’s personal lawyer, we mean attorney general. [Politico]

You will be shocked, by the way, but there are LOTS of loopholes in the pomeranian’s “rollback” of Trump’s slush fund for his favorite terrorists and kid-touchers. Surprise! [New York Times]

Gaudy trashy Dear Leader is very upset that he doesn’t get to keep the baubles people give him.

Grandma Wrestlemania over there at the Education Department is trying to force colleges to hire MAGA faculty, AKA stupid people, so in case your kids come home from college sounding like they have head injuries, that could be why. [Politico]

The Trump regime also wants to cut off student loans for people who major in brainy things MAGA doesn’t understand, like “social work” and “religious studies” and “music.” There’s even right-wingers who are pissed about this. [New Republic]

Alleged Republican Pervert Of The Day: Rep. Chuck Edwards of North Carolina! [TPM]

Secretary Brain Felch says he will “literally eat anything” and that he does not have a gag reflex. Hey, maybe that’s why his voice sounds like that, because his body is failing to gag on literally anything right now. [Daily Beast]

Anne Applebaum: “The Far Right Is Distorting Ceuta.” They sure are. [Atlantic]

Everything is falling apart at the Heritage Foundation, awwww. [New York Times]

Pete Buttigieg says he’s “more inclined than not” to run for president. [USA Today]

Here is mister cuteness from the Spanish soccer team Ferran Torres, the one who scored the winning goal, now on a media tour in the US and guessing dog breeds for Today. (He’s a big dog person.)

And telling Kaitlan Collins (lucky asshole to get that interview) why he wore a Make Spain Great Again cap the day after the World Cup final during the parade through Madrid. MAGA’s hopes: dashed.

This song kicks ass.

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