Poor Alex Jones Can't Even Celebrate Trump's Win, So Sad
Auction on the way, everything must go!
It seems that Alex Jones won’t be able to bring his InfoWars empire, or even any of its set decorations, into the Second Trump Era. The disinformation broadcaster may have made his last broadcast Monday, in which he said his assets were being auctioned off. In a video posted to Twitter, Jones said auctioneers were preparing to auction everything Wednesday. Jones couldn’t quite explain why that was happening, because that would mean acknowledging that the proceeds will go to Sandy Hook parents to whom he lost a $1.5 billion defamation lawsuit after claiming the massacre never happened and they were all just actors.
So very sad. Jones really has no idea why this is being done to him!
Jones was so very sad about how he was just an innocent victim being destroyed by both Joseph Stalin and Hitler, for no earthly reason at all:
“Wednesday afternoon, Infowars, the equipment, InfoWars.com, InfoWarsStore.com, and a whole bunch of other stuff, is at a federal bankruptcy auction, from the fake judgements and the rigged trials where I was found guilty beforehand, and they had literal show trials like out of the Soviet Union or Nazi Germany.”
Jones said that auctioneers were “inside the building, going around and surveying from the last time they were here, to make sure all the stuff’s here. Everything tagged, everything marked.” How could this have happened to him? How?
The Associated Press notes that Jones will be able to keep his “personal social media, including his account on X, formerly known as Twitter,” but that could be only temporary, since a pending court case will determine whether that can be sold off to somebody who’d like to pick up a quick three million followers. There’s no guarantee the ones that aren’t bots would stay, though; you’d think the AP could call those three guys and ask.
Infowars.com and its parent company, Free Speech Systems, will go up for auction, along with assets including broadcasting equipment, his online snake oil and trucker speed store, and fun accessories like a ridiculous $300,000 armored car Jones bought during Trump’s first term when the grifting was easy. Jones rode in the vehicle to a “Stop the Steal” rally in Georgia four years ago, so the buyer may even be able to clone Jones from any traces of spittle remaining on its PA system’s microphone. Swabs and disinfectant sold separately.
Anything left over from the auction sold Wednesday will go up for a second auction December 10.
Jones has long claimed that his supporters would surely swoop in and buy up everything and then let him continue to do his paranoid rantings. In August, he insisted that “There’s a lot of buyers, people that are patriots that want it and will come in. […] If not ... we’ll work with somebody else, fire something up. And it’ll be a little bit of a hiccup for the crew, and things. But that will just make us bigger.”
Jones seemed a bit less certain of that in his Monday show, saying, “Good guys say they’re gonna buy it. Ok they’re good guys, they buy it, who knows if they’re really good guys once they buy it — we gotta see. I don’t count on any of that.”
The Daily Beast noted in September that a confederation of progressive groups and media watchdog groups was looking into bidding in the auction; one of the groups, Media Matters for America, was especially interested in acquiring InfoWars’ archives for research and muckraking purposes.
“As we saw with the Tucker tapes, the archives could contain unbroadcasted material that ends up having real news value — not schadenfreude — but actually useful information,” said Angelo Carusone, the organization’s president.
Other potential bidders that have been floated include Elon Musk, because there’s no fuckery he wouldn’t want to be part of, or a group including Roger Stone and some other wingnut Jones fans, who have been talking about maybe buying the assets and setting Jones up to keep doing his disinfo act again.
Guess we’ll find out, though the guy who’s really finding out is Jones himself, who fucked around so long and ruined so many lives. Maybe someday he’ll even realize he was the baddie all along, but we’re not taking bets on that.
[New Republic / AP / Daily Beast]
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Well dang, now where am I gonna buy my emergency supply food buckets and penis enlargement pumps? And don't tell me he wasn't selling that last thing on the side to very special subscribers, because I refuse to believe otherwise.
Cry harder and pay the fuck up, you odious freak.