Good morning!
Breaking news, Dan Driscoll, the secretary of the Army, submitted his resignation last night, just more evidence of Pete Hegseth’s shitty, nonexistent leadership of the military. And that fucking loser thinks he’s going to be president? Of what, a suburban dive bar? [Wall Street Journal]
Mapquest is the new hottest app in town, since most good map-readers prefer maps that DON’T lick fascist sacks. [Yahoo! Tech]
Bari Weiss’s CBS is just wondering when Abdul El-Sayed stopped doing 9/11.
But wait, Bari Weiss just gets more deranged about it:
This is the only strategy they have.
Real World TV boy Sean Duffy is really excited the Trump regime has conquered the real enemy, which is on/off buttons on cars. Every time you’re having a bad day, remember to be grateful you’re not wasting the universe’s space by being a MAGA man. [Twitter]
SCOTUS gave Trump his fucking ballroom, at least for now.
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Periodic reminder never ever ever to let your pets anywhere near cops, not even if you are the victim of a crime and you are the one calling them. Too many cops need prison and/or therapy more than they need a badge, and those kinds of cops spook easily and do things like, for example, allegedly murder baby petting zoo donkeys named HeeHaw who decided to bray because reportedly that’s what baby petting zoo donkeys do when there are strange men traipsing through their farms in the middle of the night. [Guardian]
Here is a history picture we ran across and thought we’d share with you with the caption exactly as it reads on Wikipedia. Seems pertinent to where we are now.
Antifascistas greeting their American liberators? How far we’ve fallen in less than a century.
But back to happier news!
What Olivia Rodrigo pulled off with her Daisy Chain Fields music festival is pretty breathtaking. [Abortion, Every Day]
New science dating tips just dropped, sounds like SexxxMaxxxxxing guys are trying out new strategies of not bathing and drinking their own pee, to attract women. Anything to avoid not being garbage humans and simply treating women with respect, right, guys? [New York Post]
Carlos Alcaraz is baaaaaack at the US Open!
Yesterday was the end of Kelly Clarkson’s talk show, which meant the end of daily “Kellyoke,” and she ended it with reportedly her most requested song ever, “Golden” from KPop Demon Hunters. We did not know the song, but apparently a running joke is that no one can sing this song live in its original key. Oh, but Kelly Clarkson can. The top comment on YouTube is “When American Idol found the best singer on the first try.” Uh, yeah.
Did y’all ever see when she and Miranda Lambert (but mostly Kelly) outdid Chappell Roan?
More stories when we have some!
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Loons to soothe your soul: https://martiniambassador.substack.com/p/loon-a-chicks
And a meme chat: https://open.substack.com/chat/posts/d1936713-f273-4142-bc13-f571f39e0ec9
The funniest part about Bari Weiss' attacks is that the country that brought us Bin Laden and 9-11 currently owns Trump & Co