President Miller Reportedly Ordering Boats Blown Up While Old Man Trump Naps, Yells At Clouds

The real power behind the throne. Terrifyingly.

Resting psychopath face.

There is something interesting happening within the Trump administration right now. Somewhere, buried in the bureaucracy, anonymous sources are telling reporters to tell the rest of us: You know Stephen Miller, that bargain bin Reinhard Heydrich who has shot to number one on the list of creatures that American parents tell their children are hiding under the bed and will eat/deport them if they are bad? That glowering gasbag who looks like a cross between the bald aliens from the Star Trek episode “The Cage” and a rectal polyp? Yeah, that dude is basically running America right now instead of the president, and it really should terrify you, and we hope someone who has more balls than we do figures out how to rein him in!

Or something to that effect, we’re paraphrasing.

The latest story blaring the alarm was published in The Guardian on Monday. In it, three sources “familiar with the situation” say Miller is the one directing the American military to blow up alleged Venezuelan drug smugglers on the high seas, in direct violation of international law. The reporters note that at times, Miller’s role “superseded that of Marco Rubio, the secretary of state and national security adviser.”

In Rubio’s defense, he has always seemed like the sort of dude who fully turtles when someone gets even mildly irritated with him. We imagine the possibility of being on the wrong end of one of Miller’s infamous harangues has him hiding under his desk.

Here is how the boat targeting allegedly works. Miller is head of something called the Homeland Security Council (HSC). We had never heard of it either:

Miller empowered the HSC earlier this year to become its own entity in Donald Trump’s second term, a notable departure from previous administrations where it was considered part of the national security council and ultimately reported to the national security adviser.

So basically, Miller split off part of the NSC that he could run himself, thereby slicing it from Marco Rubio’s portfolio and giving himself more power.

As a result, the HSC has taken the lead on engaging the Venezuelan boats, the people said, a situation evidenced by his top deputy, Tony Salisbury, and others being the gatekeepers to details about what boat to strike until they are about to occur.

Not that it would be any more excusable if Rubio was the one ordering the strikes, of course. But the National Security Advisor is a Senate-confirmed position. Being the Jafar to Donald Trump’s Sultan is not. Guess which one seems to be plowing ahead with ordering civilians summarily executed on the high seas in the name of national security.

Besides, bombing migrant boats — excuse us, boats full of Tren de Aragua stormtroopers intent on destroying America — has been a priority of Miller’s since Trump’s first term. Rolling Stone reported on this same topic in 2023. At the time, former Trump official turned opponent Miles Taylor had published a book in which he related a story of Miller trying to get a Coast Guard admiral to agree that it was okay to bomb boats of migrants if they are in international waters:

The Coast Guard chief calmly explained the difference. America attacked enemy forces when they were armed and posed an imminent threat. Seafaring migrants were generally unarmed civilians. They quarreled for a few minutes. Stephen wasn’t interested in the moral conflict of drone-bombing migrants. He wanted to know whether anyone could stop America from doing it.

Remember when conservatives used to get all upset about “unelected bureaucrats” secretly running the country? Stephen Miller is the sort of unelected bureaucrat they had in mind. Only in his case, they both agree with the decisions he’s making and are terrified he’ll yell at them if they don’t fall in line. Apparently, he likes to yell a lot.

This Guardian story is the second from a major media outlet in two weeks that has painted Miller as the power behind the throne, the guy making certain decisions while the president is busy overseeing the building of his monstrosity of a ballroom or dragging people into the Oval Office to admire all the cheap gold leaf he has slapped up in there until the place resembles a Uzbekistani whorehouse. Two weeks ago, it was Rolling Stone:

With Trump’s blessing, Miller has been allowed to run and remake the country in a manner virtually unheard of for a U.S. government official of his rank. Think of any egregious policy from the Trump administration: Chances are, it was driven by Stephen Miller.

Later in the story, we found out that Trump insiders are terrified of Miller and didn’t want it to get back to him that they were gossiping about him. But that didn’t stop them from sharing some of the nicknames they have given him, such as Shadow Sec Def, The REAL Attorney General, and President Miller.

Personally, we prefer something like Psychopath in Chief or 200% more evil Slenderman, but we don’t work in the White House. In any case, while these sorts of stories about Miller aren’t exactly new, we are interested if there continues to be an increasing volume in the number of them showing up in the media.

Of course if Miller finds the people talking to these reporters, he may very well eat them as a warning to others.

OPEN THREAD.

[The Guardian / Rolling Stone / Rolling Stone]

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