President Pussgrab Not Really Succeeding In Making Everybody Forget Jeffrey Epstein

The plot only thickens!

Oh look, a SQUIRREL! Photo by Chandler Cruttenden on Unsplash

What do you know, the treasonous lech who is somehow president, Donald J. Trump, is not having much luck convincing the world to ignore his Jeffrey Epstein forbidden files of mystery. Why is everybody so interested in an allegedly multinational secretive little-girl-sex-abusing cabal of billionaires, so boring! He’s only been whipping his followers up about it for years.

The Epstein Files drama seems to have not affected Trump’s already low approval rating one way or the other, and among self-identified conservatives his approval is actually UP a couple of points. True cultists have doubled down, because in a cult there’s only do that or admit you were wrong and leave, and they’re as stubborn as they are stupid.

But a lot of questions still linger! Trump did tell everybody he was going to release the files, maybe “less so” than he would release the JFK files or the 9/11 files, because “you don’t want to affect people’s lives if it’s phony stuff in there.” But still, he promised, before he was elected, and after, and apparently some dumbshits sincerely believed him.

And oh look, that’s Fox News doing some deceptive editing the first time they aired the clip above. Rep. Robert Garcia would like to know if the Trump campaign pressured Fox to do that, which does sound like a thing they would do.

But back to that file flip-flop of the files exist and I’ll release them, the files don’t exist, now the files DO exist and I’m in them, but they were planted by Barack Obama, James Comey, and the ghost of Mitt Romney’s dog Seamus, or something. The press still has questions. HOAX, what part was the hoax? They asked the world’s dowdiest-dressing twenty-something:

Trump expanded, calling in to a radio show: he’s in the files, but only the part he’s in is the fake part.

“So much of the things that we found were fake, with me.” Oh.

Of course, Trump and Epstein were reportedly best friends who had “a lot of fun” together for 15 years, and were photographed together constantly. Epstein was there when Trump met Melania, Epstein claimed the two lovebirds boned for the first time on his plane, and Epstein was photographed leaving their wedding BUT OH LOOK OVER THERE IT’S A SQUIRREL! HER NAME IS TULSI GABBARD!

She’s back, the Director of National Intelligence/Russia’s girlfriend, who was banished to the land of wind and ghosts after she didn’t support Trump’s failed attempt to bomb Iranian nuclear facilities, about a dozen scandals ago. Sunday she went on Fox and X playing a familiar tune for any followers who haven’t gotten back in line yet, to remind them why they fell in love with Trump in the first place. It’s OBAMA WIRE TAPPS! Look at her lying to everybody’s face! Or don’t, bletch.

When backed into a corner, Dear Leader clutches the security blanket of his old grievances, like his comforting, low-stakes beef with Rosie O’Donnell. Yes, yes, grampy, Obama did a COUP now, during the 2016 election when he wasn’t even running, whatever you say. And hey, whatever happened to “presidential immunity”?

But sure, let’s go back to the 2016 election, the one after which Trump was convicted on 34 felony counts related to hiding the porner-peener-payoff deal he did to help his own election chances! The election the REPUBLICAN, MARCO-RUBIO-LED Senate Intelligence Committee found that Russia had tried to influence, in order to help Donald Trump. Russia did everything from deploying misinformation accounts all over Facebook and Twitter, to meeting with Don Junior to talk about “adoptions,” to spies crapping on a diplomat’s rug, just to be dicks!

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NO COLLUSION! NO COLLUSION! You Know, Except For ALL THIS F*CKING COLLUSION!

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Anyway, speaking of bots, over at X they’re fighting with themselves now! With X overlord Elon Musk railing against Trump for not releasing the files, they don’t know what to do.

So did Gabbard’s OBAMA distraction work? About as well as his Rosie beef, demanding Coke start being made with sugar, or the drama of his swelling cankles and weak veins. Or the video of a lady grabbing a snake that he inexplicably posted on Sunday, in between ranting about the name of the Washington Commanders to an insane AI video of Obama getting arrested.

Now Senator Dick Durbin says that Kash Patel had the FBI comb through thousands of files trying to find Trump’s name, because when a coverup really matters, professionals don’t leave it to AI. In those files, hundreds of witness interviews, including that of Maria Farmer, who told the FBI about Trump’s creepy friendship with Epstein in 1996 and 2006.

And we almost missed this large tidbit: how Epstein invested $40 million with JD Vance’s sugardaddy/weirdo who is unsure if humanity should survive, Peter Thiel. Who else invested with Epstein besides Les Wexner and Leon Black? Inquiring minds want to know! Also, why did RFK Jr. fly on his plane, because the excuse that he just happened to hang out with a lot of pedophiles does not really cut it.

ABC News has also noticed that the index of the government’s Epstein evidence list shows plenty of other juicy stuff that hasn’t been made public, “including logs of who potentially visited Epstein's private island and the records of a wiretap of Maxwell's phone.” So does that mean Pam Bondi, Kash Patel and Dan Bongino all know exactly who visited that island, then? How juicy if so! Also, hey, why didn’t Pam Bondi investigate Epstein and the sweetheart secret deal he got while she was attorney general of Florida after Alexander Acosta? Do any billionaire pedophiles have something on her? Just asking questions!

Also unreleased, 15 hours of tapes made by Steve Bannon of his conversations with Epstein. Bannon was spending a lot of time with him after his first arrest, and doing public relations work for him. Epstein’s brother Mark would like to know where Bannon’s tapes went, has never thought that Jeffrey killed himself, and has pointed out the many strangenesses in the autopsy report. Maybe they should release that, too.

And Wired found almost three more minutes missing from that jail footage that the administration claimed was raw footage but was not.

This Epstein coverup is like the children’s book where the village makes stone soup, every media outlet has a little something-something to share. Because those two were in deep!

And Epstein’s former best friend is still apparently pretty rattled, because he is still rage-posting that people love him, so everybody should just forget all about it.

My Poll Numbers within the Republican Party, and MAGA, have gone up, significantly, since the Jeffrey Epstein Hoax was exposed by the Radical Left Democrats and, just plain “troublemakers.” They have hit 90%, 92%, 93%, and 95%, in various polls, and are all Republican Party records. The General Election numbers are my highest, EVER! People like Strong Borders, and all of the many other things I have done. GOD BLESS AMERICA. MAGA!

Oh, and he followed through on his threat to sue News Corp., the Wall Street Journal and reporters over their story about his reported inscription in Epstein’s birthday book, for $10 BEEEELLION dollars, because of the alleged harm to his previously pristine reputation. That’s going to be some good discovery, if he doesn’t chicken out and change his mind!

Bondi has asked a judge to unseal grand jury testimony, but even if they do, you can bet. your last Trumpcoin that there will be nothing about Trump in there.

Anyway, more bits of this story come in every minute! May it dog him for the rest of his pussgrabbing days.

[Rolling Stone archive link / NBC / CNN ]

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