375 Comments

All credit for the classic Wonkette shopping list goes to Rebecca. I thought of using it, but she hopped in and replaced the far less funny "list" illustration I'd picked.

Clearly the HAARP WEATHER CONTROL CHEMTRAILS synchronized our BRAINS in a JEDI MIND MELD

And if the joke is new to you, OH BOY ARE YOU LUCKY! Genuine Wonkette lore!

https://www.wonkette.com/p/1-real-america-grocery-list-discovered-in-walmart

Expand full comment

"D'you cedar cheese anywhere? " "Oh, ya, I cedar cheese over der! Now where are dose cakes we like?"

Expand full comment

"cakes we like" has lived in my head rent free ever since.

Expand full comment

Right up there with the Palin Family Brawl depiction.

I think of them both frequently and immediately start giggling.

The good ol’ days.

Expand full comment

Peace cigs be on both of you.

Expand full comment

I've been here for years, and finally -- FINALLY -- get the "cakes we like" meme.

Expand full comment

It's been around a LONG time.

Expand full comment

also,too

Expand full comment

How many wonkette memes do you know?

All of them, Katie.

Expand full comment

1 musturd?

Yes, indeed. One must.

Expand full comment

What? No canned clams?

Expand full comment

For even thinking about it:

YOU MONSTER!

Expand full comment

Entirely different etymology.

Expand full comment

( That came later. )

Expand full comment

Oy, the more you look, the more misspellings pop out. white Kasuls? spegetti? stuf? HOW DO YOU MISSPELL "STUFF?"

Expand full comment

How could someone ever misspell the word "pasketti"?

Expand full comment

I think one of my favorite things is the two misspellings of spaghetti. And that "tamatoes" makes the list twice.

Expand full comment

We've enjoyed "cedar cheese" and "cakes we like" but we really have been neglecting our tamatoes, patatoes, cerial, speggetti, and bannas. Surely the Wonkette Lexicon is broad enough for those.

Expand full comment

"How much can bannas cost, Michael?"

Expand full comment

Tehn dollers?

Expand full comment

I am in constant revision mode on my own unofficial guide...

Expand full comment

I also like the combination of "winnies and hot dog buns".

Expand full comment

Oh no! I read this as "winnies that dog loves" and got all happy for a minute. Will no one think of the poor dog?

Expand full comment

Hopefully they'll share some of the cedar cheese with it.

( The dog I had as a child was a real cheese snob; wouldn't eat ordinary stuff, only fancy expensive varieties. )

Expand full comment

Oo, like my child. Either store brand Mac and cheese or pricy white cheddar.

Expand full comment

The food of my people. Well, the potato part, anyway.

Expand full comment

Intifada potatoes

Expand full comment

So that's where "Cakes we like" comes from!

Other than our awesome baker lady, of course. :)

Expand full comment

yup. it's ancient

Expand full comment

I like cedar cheese!

Expand full comment

Leave it on the plank long enough and many cheeses could become 'cedar cheese'.

Expand full comment

You wood!

Expand full comment

I conifer with this non comment.

Expand full comment

Gave me a hearty larch

Expand full comment

it really spruces up your burger!

Expand full comment

Makes you pine for more!

Expand full comment

Fir sure!

Expand full comment

Oh, yew.

Expand full comment

I'm pining for one right now!

Expand full comment

Oh don't bring out that old chestnut.

Expand full comment

Like yew wood'nt!

Expand full comment

I finally understand the “cakes we like” joke!

Expand full comment

I snort-laughed at CEDAR CHEESE 🧀

Expand full comment

As famous as Brolly Bunny!

Expand full comment

Nazis, I hate those guys! -- Henry Jones Jr.

Expand full comment

Nazis, I hate those guys! -- Henry Jones Jr.

Expand full comment

"He described the project as “the most prestigious international investigative operation in the world.”"

"[Howell] added that “we’re better journalists by any standard than The New York Times.”"

Oh Dunning-Kruger, you are a harsh, but not unfair, mistress.

Expand full comment

"Prestigious."

Paging Inigo Montoya.

Expand full comment

Three unethical assholes use a law designed to increase the transparency of government to make government workers dance like puppets in the hopes of destroying our — our — government. They would not be able to do that without wealthy donors.

Expand full comment

I think transparency is important, but these fucking assholes are clearly abusing the system. I don't know what the exact solution would be, maybe limiting the number of FOIA requests submitted by one person for a specific period of time? Whatever the solution, they shouldn't be able to weaponize the system like this because it is very clear they are doing it for malicious purposes. They are not even trying to pretend these are legitimate requests. Establishing some sort of limits on their ability to do this helps protect government workers from the MAGA mob who we know love to send death threats to any perceived "enemies."

Expand full comment

omg omg omg omg doc i haven't seen that in SO long. it's like fucking poetry. i want to do a recording of it (only i hear it in the 1920's sonorous male poet voice and i'm not that).

thank you!

Expand full comment

Ta, Dok. Let's elect Harris-Walz, and spirit the Heritage Foundation into the cornfield of shame, where they all belong. This is not why FOIA exists, and I have sympathy and pity for the bureaucrats who have to handle this.

Expand full comment

I don't think that "mass firings of anyone in the federal workforce who isn’t loyal to that president’s ideology" is going to work out the way they think it is going to work out, not unless they murder everyone who isn't loyal. There are about 20 million civil service employees, and you know at least half of them are not Republicans, possibly even more than that, so they can't lock up 10 million people because there aren't enough cops to do it, and not enough prison cells, and it would clog up the judicial system for years. I also don't think they can get away with murdering 10 million people either, 'cause someone would notice. They really don't think this stuff through, do they?

Expand full comment

Nothing says “freedom” like an ideological purge.

Expand full comment

'Among the documents they’ve sought are lists of agency personnel and messages sent by individual government workers that mention [...] “SOGIE,”' Hm, SOGIE you say? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YDDEqgmGIVg

Expand full comment

If Trump gets reelected we're going to see a cultural revolution that will make Mao look like an amateur.

Expand full comment

Time is drawing near folks to defeat these fascist godbotherers.

30-day deadlines are coming up in several states. Is your registration intact?

www.vote.org

www.iwillvote.com

Remember, Republicans know your vote is powerful...that's why they try to prevent you from doing it!

Mount up!

Expand full comment

Got my ballot today!

Expand full comment

“we’re better journalists by any standard than The New York Times.” Well that's a low bar...

Expand full comment

Maybe they could tweak their software so that, whenever Heritage has a FOIA request, it goes to the bottom of the pile.

“Oh sorry, we just haven’t worked down that far. We get an awful lot of requests, you know.”

Expand full comment

Maybe there should be a dedicated team that only processes Heritage FOIA requests. Say, two part timers who are really slow and are bad typists.

Hey, I could do that job!

Expand full comment

Not my heritage to be a nosy bastard and snoop through people's emails to find things that are offensive to conservative assholes. Which is pretty much everything. Can’t we get HF designated as a hate group?

Expand full comment