Putin Invades Alaska
This is so humiliating.
Welp, it is actually happening, Russians are landing in Alaska. By invitation!
Raise your hand if you remember the Cold War, and waiting for nukes from Russia to come whizzing over at any minute! It was our entire gazillion-dollar military-industrial complex’s reason for being. A 45-year nuclear arms race, Space Race, and shitstorm of proxy wars all over the globe! And more than three decades ago, Russia LOST. It lost its sotshialistchy respublikis and its Iron Curtain of Eastern European dictators, and is now a gas station with a GDP much smaller than Texas’s, and a decaying stockpile of old weapons. And it is losing in Ukraine. Russia has lost more than a million men in the meat grinder of war and now has even less land under its control than it did in 2022.
But here we are! Russian Foreign Minister Sergei Lavrov has already rolled up to Joint Base Elmendorf-Richardson in Anchorage in a sweater that says “CCCP” on it, in case anyone on the planet is not clear that Russia’s ultimate goal is to get all of its former republics and its Iron Curtain back, like it’s been trying to do all along for the past 30+ years. Heck, maybe Russia even wants their former colony Alaska back! Tsar Alexander II did get a pretty bad deal, selling it for $7.2 million in 1867 before anyone knew there was gold in them thar hills.
And JFC, the Telegraph UK is reporting that that is somewhat literally the truth, and Trump is considering bribing Putin with Alaska’s natural resources, and Ukraine’s as well, as if the second one is a thing he can do! And Trump does not deny it in the clip below, right before bragging about how he’s cut off money and weapons to Ukraine.
And he is back to blaming Ukraine for getting itself invaded. “I get along with Zelenskyy, but, you know, I disagree with what he's done. Very, very severely disagree. This is a war that should have never happened.”
But yep, here we are! And at 3 p.m. Eastern time, 11 a.m. Anchorage time, Russian President Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin is going to arrive and walk a LITERAL RED CARPET, says NBC, then Trump and Putin are going to sit down together. And then they’ll have a press conference together like a couple of movie stars on a junket, as if Putin was Tara Reid instead of an international war criminal wanted by the ICC for kidnapping children from our fellow NATO-member country.
Trump crowed to Fox News Radio's Brian Kilmeade on Thursday: “I really feel he wanted the whole thing. I think if it weren't me, if it was somebody else, he would be not talking to anybody. [...] Because of a certain relationship that he has with me, running this country, I believe now he's convinced that he's going to make a deal. He's going to make a deal.”
Yeah, no shit he wants the whole thing, and you betcha Putin is going to get a deal! For some Ukraine, and maybe even for half of Alaska. The most important thing in any negotiation is to come prepared, and Putin sure is, he has spent decades cultivating Ginger Donya.
And Trump has already admitted defeat before the meeting even begins, saying now that this meeting doesn’t really matter because there will be a second meeting, sometime, which will “be more important,” and Ukrainian President Zelenskyy and representatives from Europe will be at that one, you betcha.
And Art O’Deal has already gifted Pooty many podarki (gifts) before he even landed, starting with agreeing to this photo op without Zelenskyy in the first place, without even a hollow promise for a ceasefire. Russia has stepped up bombing the shit out of Ukraine harder than ever with kamikaze drones after the meeting was announced.
Grossest and cruelest of all, as a special present, an amuse-bouche, Trump yesterday stripped away humanitarian protections and legal status from some 120,000 Ukrainian refugees who fled to the US, leaving them vulnerable to arrest and deportation.
This is so humiliating, so stomach-churning. Never in a million years in our Peace Studies classes at Quaker school did we imagine that the end of the US/Russia conflict would be unilateral disarmament on the part of the United States, and the self-isolation and alienation of the United States from all of its allies. We would have bet on worldwide nuclear annihilation first! But here we are, lying down prone and wiggling for Russia like a labradoodle puppy, while Vlad has his way.
And he sure has been having his way. Russian servers have uploaded the contents of the National Labor Relations Board’s servers, according to a whistleblower, with the complete support of DOGE. Just last week it was revealed Russia hacked into the judiciary’s electronic case filing system, which includes the names of confidential informants. WE may not be able to see the Epstein Files, but Pooty surely already has. How have they been able to get away with this? Probably because Pete Hegseth ordered the withdrawal of US Cyber Command. Hegseth has denied that report, but at the least he is clearly not trying hard enough to keep the Russians out, and we never have heard a discouraging word or even a VLADIMIR STOP! about it from the regime.
PREVIOUSLY!
Reminder, it doesn’t matter much what Putin and Trump agree to at this show. Trump could promise Putin the entirety of Ukraine, and his own puppet government, and all the gold he can pan out of Alaska, but Zelenskyy is not going to agree to gift the butcher who has killed some 400,000 Ukrainians even one inch of land, and Europe would not be cool with that either.
Anyway, while we wait for this disgusting event, pro-Ukrainian protestors have been hitting the streets in Anchorage, and giving these war criminals big fat boos and sassy signs, and giant Ukrainian flags. So let us end on that.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
[Craig Unger / BBC / Telegraph UK / NPR / WSJ gift link]
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FUCK YOU TURNIP YOU FUCKING COCKSUCKER CHICKENSHIT MOTHERFUCKER!
Some talking mannequin on CNN, ostensibly reporting from Moscow, stated that a Russian Foreign Ministry guy told him that talks could take "six hours."
I rather doubt that The Homunculus has that long of an attention span.