89 Comments

The only surprising thing about that map is that there wasn't a speck of purple over Tiffany's in NYC for Gingrich.

Expand full comment

Dr. Benway, pushing women and children aside as he moves towards the lifeboats, says, "It's all right, it's all right...I'm a DOCTOR!"

Expand full comment

I wouldn't trust the guy eating pudding with a spork, let alone getting anywhere near my eyes. Or with the keys to the nucular football.

Expand full comment

This crop of GOP candidates, compared to 2012's, is so fucking boring I'm surprised there hasn't been any calls for Fred Thompson to run.

Expand full comment

Anyone who can read Ayn Rand without laughing has a serious humor deficiency.

Expand full comment

Silly. It didn't look like that when it walked out of the store.

It only looked like that after Randy took it out of the dryer.

Expand full comment

"the green is all the home-schooling Bible-humpers who don’t think Rick Santorum sounds crazy every time he opens his mouth to vomit on John Kennedy’s grave"

Again you mention home-schooling in what appears to be a derogatory way. I might be wrong, but I get the distinct impression that people on this site do not support home-schooling. I have to tell you that the wife and I have been looking into Christian home-schooling and we are quite impressed.

First off, home-schooling gives us a way of bonding with our child while protecting them from the blah- I mean, the disruptive influences of the public school system. Second, the Christian perspective imbues the child with a sense of morality that only the fear of burning painfully in Hell for an eternity can provide. Many of you believe that the Christian home-schooler is teaching inaccurate, archaic twaddle. I am here to say, no! With modern technology we have, at our fingertips, all of the most up-to-date and accurate information to equal or rival the best of schools. No longer is the modern home-schooler a backwards, inbred, toothless, racist, puritanical, painfully stupid, rednecked, fountain of misinformation. We have evolved (in a non-Darwinian sense). Of course, being Christian, some subjects like reproduction and abortion are not covered as fully as we’d like so it’s left a couple of holes in our syllabus. We’ve almost got the course laid out but we’re sketchy on one or two things so I was hoping someone here could help us out by answering a question.

In a typical abortion, is the stork killed before it gets to the house or is it dispatched afterwards?

Expand full comment

Is this parody?

Expand full comment

Given no unnecessary capitalization and use of "blah"; I am going with probably.

Expand full comment

Just read Rand's bio, and he's a FUCKING DOOKIE! GO TO HELL DOOK! GO TAR HEELS!

Expand full comment

God, I certainly hope so. I'm an Atheist.

Expand full comment

His campaign slogan: Better, or Worse?

Expand full comment

Good. We've had enough psycho presidents. The last one nearly did us in. And speaking of Dubya, it looks like the money wants his brother. In that case, they may give Rand some play, hoping he would make Jeb look halfway sane by contrast.

Expand full comment

In this photo, Randy's head-muskrat digs in its claws.

Expand full comment

Snark aside, as a flaming liberal who did homeschool for part of my child's education, I grind my teeth a little every time a Wonketeer uses "homeschooler" as if the "Right Wing Christianist Nutjob" part goes without saying. But mostly I blame the RWCNs.

Expand full comment

Plus Carson has (presumably) saved lives. All Rand Paul ever rescued was the ability to watch more Fox News.

Expand full comment