RedState Explains Racisting, How Does It Work?

It's only racist if it's about the guy on the top, according to wingnuts.

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The bucket of mental squirrel pellets known as wingnut intertubes site RedState has found somebody making racisms! No, it wasn't about President Obama. We're pretty sure they're still complaining about how the P.C. police won't let them hurl racial slurs in his direction. Besides, as we learned recently, Obama isn't even a black. At least not like Republican black presidential candidate Ben Carson, who is the hip-hoppingest black person of all, at least according to wingnut NRO writer Jonah Goldberg.

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And surprise, it is Ben Carson who is getting racisted right now, by that terrible Donald Trump! Remember when Trump went on that crazy-pants dry drunk (or wet drunk, you don't know) tirade against Carson last week? You thought Trump just said a bunch of shouty words about how Ben Carson isn't an actual child molester, but KIND OF like a child molester, because he has "pathological disease," for which there is no cure. And then Trump acted out that time a young Ben Carson "stabbed" his friend, or his cousin, or his pastor, whoever it was. (IT WAS A LONG TIME AGO, nobody was even alive then!)

Well, apparently Trump racismed Ben Carson too, when he said this:

TRUMP: Now Carson’s an enigma to me.

CROWD: [Unintelligible]

TRUMP: I didn’t say it! [Laughter]

And how was this a super terrible drive-by racisting, RedState?

Why are they laughing? What didn’t he say? Let me break up the word to elucidate: e-NIG-ma. Trump’s message in this whole passage is that Carson is a violent monster, and the racist stereotype of the black goon. So he’s got to get that ‘nig’ part in there to hammer his point home. “I didn’t say it,” Trump says. Not that he didn’t mean it, but just that he didn’t say it. Trump is using base innuendo to hint at something he can’t actually get away with saying, just like any crude ad on television or radio these days.

We checked our Wonket Pop-Up Dictionary And Bible, and none of the definitions for "enigma" say "black goon," but we could have been reading it upside down.

And no, in the next paragraph, the writer does NOT go off on a side rampage about how it's not fair that it's OK how black folks get to call EACH OTHER "enigmas," but whites can't, GRRRRR.

Now before you laugh, you need to understand that the writer, Neil Stevens, is an OBVIOUS conservative expert on racisming. Just look at his Twitter picture!

So, we did not know this rule about how any and all words containing those three letters in a row were obvious racisms! We, of course, know there are a lot of people who don't like the word "niggardly," because even though it means something totally unrelated, it DOES kind of rhyme with the bad word.

We asked the internet what other words are off limits (for people to say to Ben Carson) and found "brannigan" (violent argument) "midnight" (time of day) and "nigella" (actually a flower, but we're going to go with British Cooking Lady). So if Ben Carson cooks a really good meal, Donald J. Trump is NOT allowed to say, "That Ben Carson, he's such a regular Nigella Lawson in the kitchen. It makes me so jealous I think I am going to have a brannigan with him at midnight!" because THAT'S NOT RACIAL TRANSCENDENCE!!!111!!

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It's only racism if it's directed toward black Republicans, of course. ACTUAL dog-whistling, along the lines of Lee Atwater's Southern Strategy, which did a mighty fine job of turning southern Democrats into Republicans, by appealing to their most pathetic bigotry? That's just good campaign practices, and without that, the website we're talking about wouldn't even be called RedState! It would probably be called "The Goats Erick Erickson didn't want to fuck before he up and quitted dot com."

And WEIRD COINKY-DINK, but a Google search for "RedState" and "racism" brings up a bunch of articles about how Clarence Thomas got racismed just like Ben Carson, and also liberals are the real racist.

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As we said, RedState writers know racism. They've written that bigotry is just a good old-fashioned American tradition like apple pie, they get all chunky and wet in their underpants areas when Mexicans GO BACK TO MEXICO, and former editor Erick Erickson just KNEW Dylann Roof couldn't have shot all those black churchgoers for racist reasons, because UM HELLO, did you hear how the governor of South Carolina, Nikki Haley, is a brown Indian?

So, to sum up, STOP RACISMING BEN CARSON, Donald Trump! The smart people at RedState say it's not nice.

[ RedState   via   JoeMyGod ]