Rep. Blake Farenthold: I Did Not Have 'Wet Dreams' About Sexing That Staffer I Fired

In December, we gasped and clutched our pearls and LOL'dsooooohard and then gagged even harder at the news that Texas Congressfool Blake Farenthold (R-Footie Pajamas) had been sued for sexually harassing his former communications director, Lauren Greene, who was coincidentally fired. COINCIDENTALLY, people, and probably NOT for complaining that she did not want to hear his sexytime talk, ew, gross. Because who would ever in a million years believe that such an upstanding guy, who wants to impeach President Obama for invading America with Ebola and also not really being a real U.S. American, would be capable of such untoward indecency?

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We can all breathe a sigh of relief now, however, because Defendant The Office of Representative Blake Farenthold (hereinafter "Farenthold's office," as the law-types would say) filed an Answer to the Complaint, and that Answer to the Complaint is that it is ALL LIES. For example:  

Defendant admits that some staff occasionally joked that Rep. Farenthold finds redheads attractive, but denies the allegation implication that this was a source for, or cause of, concern for any staffer.

So, OK, yes, he has a thing for redheads, as everyone on his staff knows, but they all loved hearing about it, and it never made anyone uncomfortable or squeamish or, like, "I don't really wanna hear about that from my boss." So that point is full-on moot. What else is Plaintiff Greene ALL LIES-ing about?

Defendant denies that Rep. Farenthold was attracted to Plaintiff, that he had "sexual fantasies" about Plaintiff, or that he had "wet dreams" about Plaintiff.

Ew. EWWWWW. Farenthold's office also denies that he "was infatuated" with Ms. Greene. As for whether she was "uncomfortable" in the workplace, well, all he knows about that is that she "expressed concern to witnesses that her job might be in danger because of her performance." But Farenthold also would like to note that "Plaintiff's ineffectual approach to her job was in stark contrast that of her predecessor," who was also a lady andshehasn't filed any lawsuits for sexual harassment or discrimination, by the way, so obviously Plaintiff Greene just gender-neutrally sucked at her job.

Defendant admits that Rep. Farenthold occasionally complimented Plaintiff on her appearance. Defendant avers that Rep. Farenthold occasionally complimented other staffers, both men and women, on their appearance.

There's no law that says you can't compliment your employees on lookin' good, though. And as for some of the more tasteless things Ms. Greene claims her former boss said to her?

Defendant denies that Rep. Farenthold stated, either implicitly or explicitly, that Plaintiff appeared to have semen on her clothing, or that a "reasonable person" would infer the same. Defendant admits that Rep. Farenthold once pointed out to Plaintiff that her skirt was not zipped properly. Defendant denies that Rep. Farenthold was "staring at [Plaintiff] closely."

So he never said "hey, looks like you have jizz on you," but itistrue that "Rep. Farenthold and others in the office noticed and/or pointed out to Plaintiff on a number of occasions that Plaintiff would report to work with an extensive amount of animal hair on her clothing."

So basically, she strolled into the office, when she bothered to show up at all, covered in cat hair and looking gross and disheveled, which is VERY INAPPROPRIATE, except for that one time she came into the office "in a shirt and bra that were made of such flimsy fabric that Plaintiff's nipples were visible," which is also VERY INAPPROPRIATE. But regardless, Rep. Farenthold never said nothin' VERY INAPPROPRIATE about that, like, for example, that she "could show her nipples whenever she wanted to." Nope, nope, that did NOT happen.

Farenthold's office is quite insistent that he never did anything nasty, never said anything inappropriate, never made his former staffer feel uncomfortable -- and anything he might have said that might have been inappropriate was definitely not inappropriate and never made anyone uncomfortable, so it doesn't even count.

We sure look forward to the next round of details about Farenthold's wet dreams that he did not have and the inappropriately exposed nipples he didn't even mind looking at.

[ National Journal ]