Rep. James Comer Bugging Bubba About The Epstein Files Now
Anybody but Trump!
Welp, Kentucky Rep. James Comer done did it, he heard-tell his constituents were pig-biting mad about all the people in the Epstein Files getting away with hay-knee-us crimes, and so he went out and bagged y’all a real big fish! It is the 42nd president, Bill Clinton, the highest-ranking official to be deposed by Congress evvarrrr … since the last time they deposed him 29-ish years ago. Poor old Bubba, even after a month of Sundays Republicans’ hypocritical hounddogging of him will never end.
We will have to wait for the transcripts and interview videos we’ve been promised to appreciate it in full, nothing yet as of Saturday morning, but between Bubba and that brain trust I think we can guess who won the round.
And wow, seems like just yesterday Special Counsel Ken Starr was getting Bill impeached over lying about a blowjob, then running off to go be Jeffrey Epstein’s child-rape defense lawyer. Republican hypocrisy, the never-ending story! Any comment on censure for Rep. Tony Gonzales, there, Jimmy C.?
And yes, jizzing on an intern then lying about it, not great, Bill. Nobody is going to defend that. But … ugh… at least Monica Lewinsky was a legal adult and their canoodlings were as consensual as anything can be when somebody’s boss is the president.
And at least Bill Clinton is not in the Epstein files 5,300 times that we know of so far, like a certain other president. Nor is he accused of raping any children, not even on an anonymous tipline (everybody knows he’s always liked his gals corn-fed and full grown, anyway). Nor of removing interview records related to said child-rape accusations from the FBI’s files, of issuing a stand-down order shutting down all related investigations five days after Epstein’s death, illegally withholding millions of pages of records, being in charge of the prison where Epstein mysteriously died, being married to a woman who was pals with Epstein and affectionately emailing Ghislaine Maxwell… etc etc etc!
If you take a shot at the king you best not miss, but Billary are No Kings, and they have nothing to hide, at least as far as Epstein is concerned. And the Clintons could have — and since last summer seriously did — consider telling Comer to shove his demand up his subpoena-hole, and dare him to nut up and try to arrest them. But they did not, they looked James Comer right in his jowls and were like, oh, have you come to snuff the rooster again? Okay, for the gazillionth time, and as you already know, we did not hear or see any Epstein rapey business or go to his sex island, and PS. fuck you for dragging Hillary into it!
And now the evasion and covering-up from Melania and Trump, Epstein’s best friend of 15 years, looks even worse! YOU JUST GOT CLINTONED, thank you for your attention to this matter, have a nice day!
But if James Comer missed the gotcha he came for, he did not notice. Instead, he and Anna Paulina Luna, R-Chemtrails, praised Clinton for being open and transparent, and even seemed almost star-struck. After decades of marinating themselves in batshit Republican conspiracy theories about the guy, they were probably expecting him to pour tea with his lizard tongue, instead of being, like, the most talented and charming politician of his generation.
And as soon as Clinton started to testify, Trump had something nice to say about him to CNN for the first time ever. “I don’t like seeing him deposed, but you know, they certainly went after me, a lot more than that. I like him, and I don’t like seeing him deposed.”
Oh, now you like him, Sally Field? If you’ve ever hung out with a toddler, it’s easy to see the gears of Trump’s brain at work.
The best GOTCHA Comer could come up with was that Bill Clinton said Trump never told Bill Clinton anything about being involved with Epstein. TOTAL EXONERATION!!!
Why would Bill Clinton have ever been in a position to know? Is Comer suggesting that Trump and Clinton were such close pals that Trump would habitually ring Bill up and debrief him after every party or encounter with a skirt, dame or Susie Q that he and Epstein had? That plot twist would not seem comforting to the QAnon types!
And oh, are there drug co-conspirators now?
Look what else just popped out of these files! Oregon Senator Ron Wyden has questions after finding a 69-page memo detailing a DEA investigation into Epstein and also 14 other targets who are redacted.
The investigation went on from 2010 to 2015, and noted the targets had conducted millions in suspicious financial transactions. Even if Epstein had a dozen massages every day and the girl-children were for his personal use, that is quite a lot of money, and naturally it got flagged in the financial system with the DEA becoming suspicious drugs were involved.
Sure, you can’t have a sex-trafficking party without drugs, especially not if Elon Musk is coming! But why were the other 14 co-conspirators covered up, and who were they? It’s been 71 days days since Pam Bondi has been breaking the law by not releasing the full files or explaining any redactions, and so we simply do not know. What became of the investigation, and how was it concluded? Was it shut down when Trump was elected the first time, or did Obama do it before he left office? It is a mystery!
And there are so many more! Three and a half million pages worth, and then some. And new discoveries every day in the pages that are out already. A mighty big Epstein cabal! But you, me, and the Clintons are not in it.
OR ARE WE?!
(No. We aren’t.)
This story could go on forever but gotta stop somewhere! Oh hey, is that a new picture of Howard Lutnick on Little St. James? Where are his wife and nannies? Lots of questions for more people, says Rep. Ro Khanna!
Drippy, drippy, drippy!
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Comer is just a doorstop that's there to gum up the works so his unreconstructed state-based regime of terror can wild out tormenting the minorities trapped within its borders.
All these people SUCK and are useless; a fair number of them are even just social media influencers that are only there to post shitposts. Murc's Law of course is their shield. Very good questions, why is Bill Clinton having to testify but not the pricktator? And hold up, they questioned him for LESS time than they questioned Hillary Clinton, who didn't even interact with Epstein?
Really?
This should tell you everything. And these assholes definitely will make sure the victims won't see justice...because that might get their buddies in trouble.
Oh well off to the new stupid war!
If we want to bring chaos to Iran we should just unleash Nancy Mace on them.