Republican Candidates Agree: The Best Living President Is Ronald Reagan's Rotting Corpse

It would seem that getting stumped by really simple questions isn't a problem limited to Jeb Bush being A Idiot. ALL the 2016 Republican candidates are doing it! CNN's Chris Moody traveled to the South Carolina Freedom Summit, where all the wingnut hopefuls were gathered, and he had one tough gotcha question: "Who's the best living president?" The hilariously pitiful answer, from all the candidates? NONE OF THEM, KATIE, and also Ronald Reagan's decomposed bones. No, really, these are their answers:

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Donald Trump: "Living president? I, I mean I really talk about a president who died relatively recently is Ronald Reagan." (Ronald Reagan died over a decade ago. To give Trump a little perspective on when that was, it was the same year he started shouting "YOU'RE FIRED!" on teevee'sThe Apprentice. Also, Donald Trump knows that Donald Trump is clearly America's greatest living president.)

Rick Santorum: "Probably a Bush!" Which one? Hell if he knows.

Bobby Jindal: "Well look, yeah, there, it's, it's, it's, when you look at who's alive, you've got, obviously I think the greatest president of MY lifetime is President Reagan, but the ones that are alive, you've got Jimmy Carter, you've got the two president Bushes, and, and, you've got President Bill Clinton." So it's a four-way tie, and Obama loses!

Ted Cruz: "You know, I'll leave that for the people to decide. Certainly the greatest president of recent generations was Ronald Reagan, and I'll leave that for the people to decide." Reagan's dead boner's gonna be mighty raw by the end of this knob-slobbing primary, Jesus.

Bobby Jindal, dumberand with less meaning: "I've often, I've already said that I thought Obama was the worst president since Jimmy Carter, and then apologized to Jimmy Carter, because I thought it was unfair to Jimmy Carter. So Carter's off the list."

Ben Carson: "That's alive today ... " THAT IS ALL HE SAID. Then he went like this:

Fuck, it's Jindal again: "Look, I, I, I think that I would give George W. Bush credit for keeping our country safe after 9/11. I don't think he gets enough credit for that." That's very nice! Anything to say about the whole thing where he spent American lives and dollars on a war waged under false pretenses, or that whole thing about how he let Louisiana's most important city drown? Nah.

TRUMP! TRUMP! TRUMP!"I was not a big Bush fan, he was not up to par." You know who else wasn't up to par? Ronald Reagan, who was such a lazy campaigner that he stole one of his main slogans from Donald Trump. HISTORY FACT.

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Try again, Ben Carson: "I don't know. I'd have to think about that one for a long time. I think everybody has their good points and their bad points." OH REALLY? Dr. Ben Carson gives all the presidents a gold star for participation, apparently.

Rick Perry: BYE FELICIA! Or more accurately, "BYE Y'ALL!" Yes, that was his answer, because he is a moron, or maybe he doesn't know any living American presidents and didn't want to accidentally say a dumb.

You can watch the GRRR UNEMBEDDABLE video over at the CNN, if you would like! They didn't ask Jeb Bush, but he probably would have said, "my beautiful big brother! Or wait, my daddy! Aw fiddlesticks, I'll just say Reagan too."

And to be fair to these adorable loons, it's okay to say Ronald Reagan is the greatest living president, because Reagan's spirit will live forever, inside the hearts, minds and penises of the entire Republican 2016 clown car.

[ CNN ]