888 Comments
User's avatar
Joachim's avatar

On Breakups

I once was loved

But no more

NO MORE shall her sweet, luxurious breath

Tickle the crevices of my throat

NO MORE shall her melodious voice

Trickle down my eager ear canal

No more

NO MORE shall her infectious laugh

Arouse in me the need to laugh along with her

NO MORE shall her joyful step

Plow the streets and fields alongside me

No more

No more shall I think of her

Lois Henry's avatar

This is not the first North Carolina Edwards politician to shame the state. What’s going on here?

Trudy Sirany's avatar

I love your writing, more than anything else I read on Substack. You write like my brain.

Sally Lunn's avatar

Campaigning sounds like a pedophile. When you deliberately root for castor oil for a teen male pupil...sounds like a Narcissist and a sex offender.

Daniel O'Riordan's avatar

Chuck Mangione objects to being lumped in with the Chucks.

Especially after what Luigi did to him.

Sally Lunn's avatar

" ...Starting with the fact that he goes by Chuck in the first place. " YES. Questionable. I hate the name Chuck for my own reasons.

Daniel Miron's avatar

Yardwork: both creepy and kind of endearing—without the other stuff. :D

Eric Paul Jacobsen's avatar

This article has an excellent title, including the traditional use of the verb “drops,” which makes me very happy.

Daniel O'Riordan's avatar

Let's pour one out for Robyn, whose prior interest in the manosphere is going to keep her real busy this year.

kckitty's avatar

I want to know how his wife feels right now.

Furiouser and Furiouser's avatar

Even the pictures of Chuck Edwards can’t fully illustrate what an absolute creep he is. He looks like he time travels to buy his clothes from 1983 JC Penney’s.

Biff52 Lost Canadian's avatar

He also looks like Sebastian Gorka's doppelganger.

Daniel O'Riordan's avatar

Now that's just mean. Upvote!

Furiouser and Furiouser's avatar

Even the pictures of can’t fully illustrate what an absolute creep he is. He looks like he time travels to buy his clothes from 1983 JC Penney’s.

Ron Spangler's avatar

I adamantly believe that Haiku is the only acceptable form of poetry available to a man over 50.

I'll die on this hill.

Furiouser and Furiouser's avatar

Don’t write poetry

To women in your office

It never ends well

eo's avatar

"I'll die on this hill." would make a great last line for a haiku.

Ron Spangler's avatar

Maybe I counted the syllables.

TheGreatAndPowerfulMormos!'s avatar

I thought being a creep was a prerequisite for running as a republican.

Daniel O'Riordan's avatar

Not only is Edwards a creep, he's a wuss.

Can you imagine him punching the shit out of a tree?

Thixotropickle's avatar

Roses are red

So is my little guy

(Well he’s kinda pink)

You are so breathtaking

I made you my kink

I hope it’s okay

To perv out on you now

Maybe you’ll reward me

When I drop my trou?

Come with me to party

Where I should take my wife

Forget that old hag

Cause you’re sexxy and nice!

Crying now a big tear

Since you are leaving

Not creepy at all dear

Wait why are you heaving?

Zyxomma's avatar

Ta, Robyn. The creepy creep vibes just *explode* out of the photo.

Skunk Formerly Known As Stoner's avatar

What’s wrong with Chuck? There’s Chuck E Cheese! That’s not at all creepy. Well. A little. Ok, a lot. Let’s see, there much be a non-creepy Chuck around here somewhere.

Daniel O'Riordan's avatar

Chuck Mangione, but he's got his own problems.