Republicans Extend Olive Branch To (Certain) Canadians

There's no business like snowbird business.

Roy Scheider is all of us.

America’s tourism industry finds itself in a similar boat as the mayor of the fictional New England summer destination of Amity Island once did: How do you get people to come spend money on a beach vacation when you’ve got a gigantic killer shark problem?

Denial only lasted so long the first time Chief Brody warned of the apex predator in their midst, and the whistleblower was unceremoniously fired like a common Vindman in the sequel for his bang-on assessment it wasn’t safe to go back in the water. (The damn monster even moved to Florida for the franchise’s third installment but I’ve stretched the Jaws analogy enough.) Research firm Tourism Economics predicts a 9.4 percent decline overall in international arrivals for 2025 due in part to having collectively jumped the shark as a nation, but a much steeper one is expected to continue from its biggest regular customer.

A hundred weeks ago, in February, the US Travel Association warned:

New tariffs on Canada could impact Canadian visitation to and spending in the United States. Canada is the top source of international visitors to the United States, with 20.4 million visits in 2024, generating $20.5 billion in spending and supporting 140,000 American jobs. A 10-percent reduction in Canadian travel could mean two million fewer visits, $2.1 billion in lost spending and 14,000 job losses.

Elbows remain up and visitations down. Border crossings from Canada dropped by close to a million travelers this March compared to last, according to US Customs and Border Protection. It’s the biggest decline since the worst of the pandemic, and it might finally be sinking in with MAGA that the relationship is beyond repair. They might want to ask new pal Gavin Newsom how his California Love campaign went over with We the North.

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Nobody with any sense wants to risk their phones being rummaged through, let alone a body cavity, for a short visit to the land of the free.

Republican lawmakers seem to think the solution to us no longer wanting to visit for some strange reason is to make it easier to spend even more time in Gilead with the Canadian Snowbird Visa Act proposed in Congress to make an exception for certain special Canadians.

No, not the same Snowbirds who perform aerobatic demonstrations as part of the Royal Canadian Air Force. America obviously has its own daredevil pilots to put on a show, although so far the Thunderbirds aren’t booked for Dear Leader’s upcoming special military operation birthday parade in DC. The team is named after a supernatural entity from North American indigenous culture though, so they may’ve been grounded for being too woke by the DOGE boys. Or maybe the boss found out Justin Trudeau has a thunderbird tattoo on a muscular shoulder and they were banished from the proceedings like the USS John S. McCain.

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The pitch also isn’t exclusively for members of the Toronto Blue Jays, a professional baseball team named after a migratory snowbird from the Corvidae family, who presumably all have the necessary paperwork for their current set against the Rays. Hopefully star Venezuelan slugger Anthony Santanter won’t be looking over his shoulder for ICE gestapo when sitting in the dugout, although at least he’ll have a bat.

Instead, the bill proposes to extend how long those 50 or older can spend in the country without a visa — 240 days a year, up from 182 — so long as they own property or have a signed rental agreement.

“Providing Canadians who own homes and property in the United States with extra time to visit and boost our economy will help revive Canadian tourism to the United States,” said sponsor Elise Stefanik (R-NY), whose congressional district straddles the border and who appears just as deluded about our current relationship status as she was about her chances of being picked as ambassador to the UN.

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It’s possible GOP lawmakers didn’t fully think things through, as it’s unclear how this’ll jive with the new rule ALL “aliens” older than 14 need to register with the Man if they’re in the country for more than 30 days. Prolonged stays also mean crumblier Canadians could lose their health bennies. Ontario residents, for example, have to spend at least 153 days in a 12-month period at home, and I don’t see many of them choosing to give up free doctor visits for a few extra weeks in the sun. Even if they’ll miss watching their programs on Fox.

There’s also a risk a longer stay would mean paying more taxes. The way it currently works is America levies taxes on non-citizens if they’re in the country for a certain amount of time. Bean-counters use something called the “substantial presence test” based on a person’s days spent in the US over a three-year period, and — if the total is more than 183 days — Uncle Sam will want to wet his beak.

Pete Hoekstra, the new ambassador to Canada, thinks it’s time to “move on” from this whole unfortunate Bye America business now that annexation threats from his lunatic boss are “over.” Not that we have it in writing or it would mean anything if we did.

“If the Canadians want to keep talking about it, that's their business,” he told the CBC. “I'm not talking about it, Donald Trump is not talking about it. We've got too much on our plate to move forward because we're all about increasing America's prosperity, safety and security.”

In other words, Canada should consider this whole 51st state fiasco just a silly misunderstanding and water under the bridge. But the problem is there’s still a bloodthirsty Great White shark in the water under the bridge, canonically now capable of revenge, and Steven Spielberg isn’t the one pulling its strings.

[Tourism Economics / US Travel Association / CBC / Bluesky]