Gavin Newsom Wants To Welcome Canadians To The Wild, Wild West

A state that's untouchable like Eliot Ness.

Photo by Mark Neal on Unsplash

Golden State Gov. Gavin Newsom — a Democrat currently embussening sexual minorities, calling the street kidnappings by ICE thugs “a distraction,” and literally palling around with Steve Bannon — has a new ad out called “California Love” urging spooked Canadians to come spend some money again. (Maybe a bit of a “distraction” from pissing off potential 2028 Democratic presidential primary voters?) And not just the heroic Quebecois who do much of the heavy lifting when it comes to waterbombing wildfires like the one that wiped out much of LA in January.

Nearly two million Canadians visited in 2024 and injected close to $4B into the economy but relations are now of course fucked with Mad King Donnie back in the saddle. Airline bookings to the US this summer are reportedly down by more than 70 percent. There’s comfort in knowing previous generations somehow made out okay without ever gazing at the Brandenburg Gate, eating cake in the Black Forest, or getting drunk in Munich beer halls for Oktoberfest in the 1930s.

The campaign is a bit of a Hail Mary pass to do something about the projected loss of another $6B in the coming year from international visitors who don’t want to risk getting tossed into a hole for having once said mean things about MAGA. No matter how many new rides there may be at Disneyland or who’s headlining Coachella. Even during the dreary months when all the leaves are brown and the skies are grey.

“Sure, you-know-who is trying to stir things up back in DC, but don't let that ruin your beach plans,” said Kimberly Guilfoyle’s former hubby while urging Canadians to give the better of America’s two so-called sunshine states another shot. “California, it’s the ultimate playground, two thousand miles from Washington and a world away in mindset.”

Converting to kilometres for Canadians would’ve been considerate but we get the idea. Judging by how hard the post is being ratioed though, it wouldn’t have made much difference, even for a star-studded blue state with legalized weed and warm swimming water. Although calling it California Love was a nice nod to Tupac even if risking reminding tourists of the gun violence problem no other country in the world has.

The Beaverton nailed the current vibe with a story headlined: US campaign entices Canada tourists: “Come visit America and also maybe El Salvador!”

“We all cherish Canada down here!” (Photo: Warner Bros. Productions)

Going back to Cali? I don’t think so. It’s a tough sell with citizens of a country where The Handmaid’s Tale is taught in schools and not simply because Margaret Atwood is one of our own. The campaign was announced the same day the Canadian Association of University Teachers put out a warning to its 72,000 members to travel “only if essential.” Especially those “whose research could be seen as being at odds with the position of the current U.S. administration.” So presumably all of them.

You-know-who has been weirdly silent about the 51st state crap in recent weeks, and it’s tempting to think it’s out of a grudging respect for badass new Liberal PM and financial wunderkind Mark Carney. But it’s more likely he realized it was poisoning the pliant Pierre Poilievre’s plummeting odds of winning next week’s election and the motherfucker is biting his tongue for now. If so, he likely won’t be quite as enchanted with White House press secretary Aunt Karoline, who responded to a question from a CBC reporter about him being less of a dick to Canada since the snap election was called while exempting us — at the ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ anyway — from some of his more suicidal tariffs.

“I would reject the president’s position on Canada has shifted,” she replied. “Perhaps he just hasn’t been asked about Canada from this group in the Oval Office, but they see him almost every day. The president still maintains his position on Canada… He believes that Canadians would benefit greatly from becoming the 51st state of the United States of America.”

Although our stance would surely shift if the state became the 11th province. Added bonus is Seth Rogen wouldn’t have to look over his shoulder for ICE anymore.

Y'all Hear What Seth Rogen Said Right To Bezos's And Zuck's Little Fascist Trump-Sucking Faces?

[Visit California / The Beaverton / Bluesky]