Republicans Fixin' To Impeach DHS Secretary Mayorkas For Seizing Too Much Fentanyl ... Or Something?

Are they mad he won't share?

After that little hiccup electing a leader — 15th time's a charm! — Republicans are wasting no time in getting down to the people's business now that they're back in control of the House of Representatives. Unfortunately it's the literal dumbest people's business that they're concerned with, so if you've got a crazy uncle who believes all that shit about MIGRANT CARAVAN and OPEN BORDERS and IMMIGRANT CRIME WAVE, then maybe steer clear for a couple weeks.

Texas Rep. Pat Fallon has introduced articles of impeachment against Homeland Security Secretary Alejandro Mayorkas for the grave crime of havin' a funny name.

Well, no, not literally, but it's almost that dumb. Fallon cites to a 2006 statute known as the Secure Fence Act which he says obliges the DHS secretary to seal the border and not let any undocumented immigrants in. If it ain't water tight, excepting of course the Rio Grande, then you must impeach! Millions of undocumented migrants crossed the border under Donald Trump, of course, but that was different, see, because, he was unbelievably cruel and broke up families, so you know his heart was in the right place.

The gist of these impeachment articles is that the law imposes an obligation to "take all actions the Secretary determines necessary and appropriate to achieve and maintain operational control over the entire international land and maritime borders of the United States." And it defines operational control as "the prevention of all unlawful entries into the United States, including entries by terrorists, other unlawful aliens, instruments of terrorism, narcotics, and other contraband." So if one fentanyl pill gets through, then it is INPEACH for you, Mister Secretary! Or perhaps it should be Señor Mayorkas ! 

And one time Secretary Mayorkas said under oath that he had operational control of the border, and so it is PERJURY MOST FOUL.

Naturally Fallon did that weird GOP thing of trotting out statistics about apprehensions of migrants and drugs at the border as if it somehow proves that Biden is letting an uninterrupted flow of migrants and contraband in, rather than the exact opposite.

In fiscal year 2022, 98 individuals on the Terrorist Screening Database (TSDB) were apprehended at the southern border, more than during the previous 5 years combined. In total, more than 100 individuals on the TSDB have been apprehended under Secretary Mayorkas.

Is he suggesting that DHS should ... let the terrorists in? This is most confusing!

Plus, in addition to seizing all that fentanyl and not letting it in for Americans to OD on, Mayorkas did evil slanders when he looked at that picture that appeared to show a border patrol agent whipping a Haitian migrant, and said it was a "horrifying" example of "systemic racism." But when the report came out, it said the agent didn't even whip the migrants at all, so AT LONG LAST HAVE YOU NO SHAME, SIR?

Fallon left out the part of the report which found that the agents used "unnecessary force." Probably an oversight!

The motion was referred to the Judiciary Committee, which is now controlled by Rep. Jim Jordan. Presumably he'll be more interested in it than in the systemic molestation of students under his care. And if Ol' Gym doesn't bite at this one, there'll be a hundred more right behind it, since the GOP has telegraphed its intent to begin its impeachment efforts with Mayorkas, consistent with their plan to govern by shouting BORDER CRISIS over and over again until the earth falls into the sun.

And PS, Rep. Andy Biggs is also claiming to be the first congressman to introduce articles of impeachment against Secretary Mayorkas. Because OMG these people are ridiculous.

Dumbest fuckin' timeline ...

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