Republicans Prep For Debate With Pissing Match Over Dressing Rooms, Everyone Loses

Which one's Chris Christie?

While second-tier loser Republican Lindsey Graham was getting his drank on and talking about how it "sucks" to be a second-tier loser stuck at the kids' debate table, the first-tier prima donna divas from the grownups' table were crying about their dressing rooms:

Just hours before GOP candidates take the stage here Wednesday night, tensions over the Republican National Committee’s handling of the debates are flaring anew.

At issue this time: greenrooms.

We wish we could tell you we were doing some sort of exaggerated hyperbolic satire thingy, but we are not. Ya see, the top top-tier candidates got fancy dressing rooms to rehearse their #zingers before the real debate starts:

Trump was granted a spacious room, complete with plush chairs and a flat-screen TV. Marco Rubio got a theater-type room, packed with leather seats for him and his team of aides. Carly Fiorina’s room had a Jacuzzi.

But the bottom-of-the-barrel why-the-fuck-they-still-here losers? The ones whose poll numbers are within pissing distance of zero, where you have to scrape off the pond scum that has grown over them to even see where they are?

Yeah. They got shit:

Then there was Chris Christie, whose small space was dominated by a toilet. So was Rand Paul’s. [...]

“This is ridiculous,” fumed Christie’s campaign manager, Ken McKay. “We’re in a restroom.”

Rand Paul's campaign also bitched and moaned and threw a temper tantrum -- you know how that greased up mop of permed dead animal on top of his head requires 360-degree mirrors and flattering lighting. His team managed to get him upgraded to slightly-above-piss-bucket status, in a non-bathroom, with some chairs and a printer:

Late Tuesday eventing, LaCivita tweeted that his campaign had been granted by the RNC improved facilities and attached a picture of Paul's new workspace.

Ambulatory shitpile Mike Huckabee tried to shame his competitors like he is oh so above it:

And of course Gov. Bobby Jindal (R- Confederacy ), who threatened to not even show up until someone whispered in his ear that NO ONE GIVES A CRAP ANYWAY, was like, "Do you know how much Yankee gay-married dick I'd suck for the chance to squat in a toilet if it meant getting into the Big Kids debate?"

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No one cares, Bobby. You could not pay people to show up to watch you do that. The only reason anyone's going to watch the pre-debate debate ( besides us , because we have to liveblog this clusterscrew, for OUR JOBS) is to see if Lindsey Graham has gatewayed on to smack yet. But what the hell, give it a try.

Which of these dumb motherfucker losers are supposed to be the grown-ups again? Because damn, it sure is hard to tell when every single one of them needs a diaper change and a nap.

[ POLITICO ]