Republicans Really Worried Their Guy Might Become President

No relation to article, but has "titties" in it.

Not that we're all that worried about whether Hillary Clinton can somehow overcome the past couple of days' OMG DEPLORABLE PNEUMONIA freakout, but we are at least amused that Donald Trump's modest narrowing of the gap in some polls has some Republican Establishment types worried, according to McKay Coppins at Buzzfeed. You see, if Hillary doesn't squash Trump like a bug, that could be way worse than Trump losing, at least for plain old cut-taxes/hug the rich conservatives, especially folks in the consultant class. If Trump starts looking like a viable candidate, they may just cry and cry and cry:

“It’s terrifying,” said one GOP consultant, who like others spoke to BuzzFeed News on condition of anonymity. “He’s not qualified … and it’s a massive problem. I’m not a fan of Hillary Clinton, but at least I feel like some of those jobs that are required for president, she could do them.”

“It would be terrible for America, and for the world,” said another Republican strategist, referring to a prospective Trump victory. “I can’t think of one good thing that would come of it.”

A third Republican said that after watching the Clinton campaign’s missteps in recent days, “I’m curled up in the fetal position watching The West Wing and drinking a basketful of deplorable liquor.”

OK, Coppins, you made that last one up. Or your source did. Not even drunk Republicans watch The West Wing. 

Frankly, our favorite bleat of anxiety comes from someone who was actually willing to go on the record:

“I’ve heard a lot of conservatives voicing frustration, like, ‘How fucking hard is this, Hillary?’” said Ben Howe, a conservative ad-maker and an outspoken Trump detractor. “That’s the only reason I’m panicked these days … I’m losing faith in Hillary’s ability to win this easy-ass election.”

Look, you guys spent 30 years ginning up the hate-the-Washington-Insiders machine, as well as the relentless depictions of the Clintons as Bringers of Death lists, Destroyers of America. How can you be so nervous about your own success? We're reminded of the 1980 Jeff MacNelly cartoon of Ayatollah Khomeini wearing a "Re-elect Carter" button and saying, "I'm not crazy about him, either, but frankly, Reagan scares me."

Some big-money R donors claim to be terrified they'll be pressured into actually supporting their party's nominee financially:

"A lot of these guys are really pissed,” said a conservative donor adviser. Over the summer, when Trump’s campaign was foundering, “they thought they’d gotten a pass -- but now that Clinton is going off the rails, they’re like, ‘Damn it, now am I gonna have to give this guy money?’”

The adviser added that most Republican donors will hedge their bets and contribute to Trump if the race is close, but he said they are generally less wary of a Clinton White House. “If she wins, they aren’t going to love it, but they’re not going to be facing the apocalypse either -- and by apocalypse, I mean actual nuclear warfare.”

Hysterical bunch of crybabies, aren't they? Maybe we'd feel bad for them if they hadn't spent so much effort convincing the rabble that America would be OVER if Barack Obama became president. They almost seem more afraid of Donald Trump than progressives are. We aren't sure whether that's gratifying or scary; either way, it's a fine motivation to get out and campaign for Hillary Clinton -- we'd hate to think what a bunch of panicked rich Republican political consultants might be capable of. More Brooks Brothers riots? Worse, an Armani militia?

[ Buzzfeed ]