We're back in the Wonkette Bunker O'Love, the underground safe room on our Idaho compound that we reserve for stories about guns and the wonderful people who fondle them. And as usual, we have some inspiring tales of proud Americans protecting their lives and property from threats foreign and domestic -- mostly domestic, as all three of our top stories involve responsible gun owners shooting family members and neighbors, which is just the price we have to pay for Liberty.
Where you been?
Schroedinger&#039;s Tea and Crumpets
Oh, I really hated that one. I never understood why that didn&#039;t lead to a wave of revenge killings in the Northeast.
Today, I was at the funeral for a relative who had a catastrophic stroke about seven years ago. She was completely immobile, and mostly uncommunicative, for seven years.
The priest managed to hit all three of your bullet points.
I managed not to punch anyone.
At what, 60 per second?
With a little practice, sure.
No. My dogs are making too much of a racket for me to focus on the crumpet recipe.
Really - think of the gun. The poor gun. How do you think it feels?
And the &#039;Deleted Comments&#039; post will not be far behind . . .
You really are an awful piece of shit, aren&#039;t you? Begone, idiot.
In your hypothetical, I can shoot the intruder OR offer tea & crumpets. But if I have a gun, can I force the intruder to eat tea and crumpets? Even <i>herbal tea</i> which intruders are known to dislike?<br /><br /><br />True story. When I was younger, I was home one hot summer evening when a young man climbed in through an open window. What a surprise! I said \"what are doing?\" He said \"looking for a friend\". I said \"get out\". And he left. No shooting. No tea and crumpets either. So I guess that&#039;s an unhappy ending.<br /><br /><br />Another true story. I was home with my family one night when there was frantic knocking on the front door. As I got closer, the door burst open and a young woman ran it. It turns out she was being followed by a suspicious man and ran to our house for safety. Again, no shooting! Though I think we gave her something to eat and drink (tea and crumpets, perhaps!) then drove her home.
Apparently recognizing that guns actually DO kill people isn&#039;t half the battle, after all.
Gun lovers can move the goalposts whenever they want, ITS IN THE CONSTATUTON.
Doesn&#039;t anyone bother to ask how The Stuff feels? I bet his his flat screen teevee feels pretty safe and protected.
Besides, his Stuff would never sneak out late at night. You can&#039;t just buy loyalty like that.
Let&#039;s start with &quot;ignoring most of an Amendment&quot; and add &quot;powerful gun lobby,&quot; as a jumping off point.
Good thing Santa IS white, or else that annual intruder would sooo killed for making such a clatter.
I guess it also helps that he&#039;s completely imaginary, just like &quot;well-trained militias&quot; are.