President of Angry Fetuses Rick Santorum announced on teevee this morning that he is also running for President of the United States. Watch out, Mittens! Santorum went on ABC News and stood in front of an empty building to deliver his message, which is about as exciting as you would imagine. Does he know how these things work? You have to tell everyone
There's only one way this whole thing might work out for you, Ricky ... if America actually gets tired of poop jokes. I know, right?
So as an unofficial campaign manager, I suggest you start beating them to the punch.
Look, let's face it, you're kind of a creepy dude. If a sack of weird such as yourself started hitting people with obvious buttsex jokes, it'd freak everybody out so much, they'd lose interest in doing it themselves. Seriously, Rick. Start making frothy mix comments.
Start by calling yourself <i>Senator Smoothie</i>, and talk about <i>whipping up a lot of support. </i> Then look directly into the camera for an uncomfortably long period with your patented creeper grin, and say &quot;That was an anal sex joke, everyone! Smoothies! Whipping up? Frothy!! Get it?!&quot;
That should put everyone off of their little jokes. Out-gross America! YOU CAN DO IT!
If Santorum is both dick AND asshole, it should be possible for him to fuck himself into non-existence. Perhaps this candidacy is an experiment for that.
Shorter Santorum: The problem with the Ryan medicare plan is that seniors prefer a more distilled, concentrated version of the idea. Yeah Rick. You run with that.
There&#039;s only one way this whole thing might work out for you, Ricky ... if America actually gets tired of poop jokes. I know, right?
So as an unofficial campaign manager, I suggest you start beating them to the punch.
Look, let&#039;s face it, you&#039;re kind of a creepy dude. If a sack of weird such as yourself started hitting people with obvious buttsex jokes, it&#039;d freak everybody out so much, they&#039;d lose interest in doing it themselves. Seriously, Rick. Start making frothy mix comments.
Start by calling yourself <i>Senator Smoothie</i>, and talk about <i>whipping up a lot of support. </i> Then look directly into the camera for an uncomfortably long period with your patented creeper grin, and say &quot;That was an anal sex joke, everyone! Smoothies! Whipping up? Frothy!! Get it?!&quot;
That should put everyone off of their little jokes. Out-gross America! YOU CAN DO IT!
For nobody&#039;s pleasure.
If Santorum is both dick AND asshole, it should be possible for him to fuck himself into non-existence. Perhaps this candidacy is an experiment for that.
Court the ethnic vote-- Pasta/ Antipasta 2012
Needs moar lubricant.
And here we go again! Santorum Launches Campaign; Vows To Fill Nation’s ‘Glory Hole’ - http://goo.gl/3YYQJN
Shorter Santorum: The problem with the Ryan medicare plan is that seniors prefer a more distilled, concentrated version of the idea. Yeah Rick. You run with that.
He should have at least rented some of those cardboard cut-out people to place behind him. The same ones that are his base.
More like a party favor. (A worthless piece of crap that you throw away at the first opportunity.)
I see that one of them committed suicide rather than stay on camera with the guy. It was a white one, too ... that can&#039;t be a good sign.
If &quot;Giggles&quot; is a kind of lube, maybe
THAT&#039;S NOT GUACAMOLE
Dribbly Dirtchute!
Bubbling B-Hole!
I am actually very excited about all the ass-based alliteration the future holds.
even then we should keep that picture around. It&#039;s delish.
well it&#039;s about damn some more republican crazy dropped.
I lol&#039;d.