Rod Dreher Has Heard Of Hiney-Lickers And Rumors Of Hiney-Lickers, At Princeton!

That's it, burn it all down!

Let's check in with wingnut moral scold and all-around dork Rod Dreher:

Well this has been a nice check-in, we'll see ourselves out.

So, Rod heard about some rimjobs. And once he heard about them, he thought about them for a while, long enough to be very appalled by them. And he thought about them and he thought about them, and do you know where these rimjobs were? At Princeton! Where no rimjobs had ever happened before now! They're like a new variant of COVID, we guess, you just never know when rimjobs are going to show up in your town, or when Rod Dreher is going to find out about your town's rimjobs and get fixated on them.

Look, like many social conservative men, Rod Dreher gets weird around gay stuff — really weird — and just like most social conservatives in general, he goes absolutely bonkers with disapproval over sex he's not participating in.

So somebody from Princeton sent poor Rod a brochure that RA's at Princeton are allegedly giving to students, and not only does it acknowledge that sex exists (horrors!), it acknowledges that college kids might be having other kinds of sex besides the traditional P-in-V kind Rod was raised to feel a traditional heterosexual kind of shame about.

Here's the key bit:

Yep, apparently the RAs are giving out safer sex kits for "butt stuff." And Rod knows that means LICKIN' BUTT STUFF.

We could just keep giggling to ourselves that this guy Rod Dreher — that guy up top — is sitting around somewhere rocking back and forth in his chair upset about "hiney-lickers" at Princeton, or we could read a bit of the article he literally sat down and wrote about it, yes, the article that he, A GROWN MAN, sat down and wrote about it.

I know it makes me out to be an old coot, but so what: is this what the American elite has become? Do people send their kids to Princeton (tuition, room, board, fees: $74,190) to have the university’s agents encourage them to lick each other’s butts? Because that’s what’s happening.

Rod, grow up. They didn't need a class at Princeton to find out about butt stuff, or a visit from the "university's agents."

They were already lickin' hiney. Got that, Rod? Hineys. Lickin'. Back and forth and side to side. Princeton students.

This really is a tell. The US ruling class is increasingly degenerate, don’t you think?

First came the rimjobs, but I didn't pay attention, because ...

It’s not that butt-licking and other perversions were unknown prior to today.

Rod had heard of butt-licking and other perversions before today.

It’s that one of the most important universities in the world is now encouraging what one imagines are among the most intelligent students in the world to amuse themselves by licking each other’s butts, and offers to provide them with the set-ups to do so.

"Amuse themselves." Like it's a party game. "Come, collegiate friends! Let us meet in the quad to amuse ourselves, by licking each other's butts!"

Also what does it matter that Princeton kids are smart? Would Rod be more OK with this if it was dumb kids at a safety school?

Once upon a time, people looked up to the Ivy League as representative of the best of America. And now? In Princeton’s case, they’re determined to carry out a campaign drive out impressive scholars for standing up to neoracist progressive initiatives ...

Oh good, Rod has made up a word to describe the "woke" things that really chap his unlicked hiney, and it is "neoracist."

and they’re engaged in grooming behavior to encourage students to act out sexual scenarios they’ve seen on porn clips.

Like the admins are meeting in the secret halls of Princeton discussing cunning strategy to convince incoming freshmen to explore each other's butts. Because students would have NEVER DONE THESE THINGS OTHERWISE if it hadn't been for woke Princeton propaganda and also porn.

At this point, Rod goes off on a weird tangent about what a hypocrite he and other moneyed conservatives are, bitching out one asscheek about indoctrination in the Ivy Leagues, and signing checks with their other asscheek, to send their snowflake kids to those same Ivies. There are several hundred blah blah blah words about trade schools and Rod's own personal life we doubt his own readers even care about.

But he returns to the point, eventually.

If I had a child at Princeton and I found out that the university was handing out hiney-licking kits to them, I would be on the phone to the university president to raise hell.

OK, listen you loser fucking Boomer helicopter parent, but you actually do not get to call the university president to raise hell unless you are donating entire wings to the school. Why? Because you may be paying for it — which is your choice! — but you don't have a contract with the school. That's between the school and your child, the student, who is a legal adult .

If you don't like it, don't pay for it, but STFU about calling university presidents.

Also even if you stop paying for Princeton and your kid has to drop out they'll still learn ass-licking somewhere.

Like maybe church.

You dumbass.

Think about what a gift to the Chinese and the Russians something like this is.

True American ass-licking tips? Can the Chinese and Russian nations not figure out rimjobs on their own?

Should they be thanking us?

Don't worry, Rod doesn't explain why this is a gift to the Chinese or the Russians, but we're going to guess it's the same type of weird seemingly psychosexual complex that informs Tucker Carlson's rants about the BIG MANLY Chinese military vis a visthe American military, which is no longer manly enough for people like ... *checks notes* ... dumpy middle-aged white conservative American loser men.

The American elites, at one of their premier institutions of higher learning, provide help and material assistance to turn the leadership class of tomorrow into a claque of butt-lickers and oral fetishists who are too fragile to hear arguments that make them anxious.

We only included this graf in case you were curious what a collective group of butt-lickers is called. Rod is here to tell us it is a "claque."

Sounds like he's studied this issue more than he lets on, EH ROD? EH? EH? EH?

This has been a blog post about Rod Dreher and eatin' ass, OPEN THREAD!

[ The American Goddamn Conservative ]

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