Roger Ailes Unhappy About New Biography That Says Roger Ailes Is Terrible, Angry, Horny Sexmonster

It is a bit quiet news-wise today, so let us talk about Roger Ailes' dick.

Oh sure, we could talk about any other subject under the sun besides Roger Ailes' dick. The terrible cold weather, the latest slap on the wrist for JPMorgan, S.E. Cupp taking the early lead for dumbest column any pundit will write in 2014. But are any of those subjects really more interesting than Roger Ailes' dick? We think the question answers itself.

Here is why we are thinking about Roger Ailes' dick. The New York Times   got its hands on a copy of Gabriel Sherman's new biography of the walking tub of chicken fat and his dick, and one of the funnier stories involves Randi Anderson, a television producer who went to work for CNBC when Ailes was running that channel twenty years ago. Anderson alleges that Ailes offered her an extra $100 a week to have sex with him whenever he wanted. Because when you are Roger Ailes, you are entitled to an in-house concubine at your office, even if you want to pay well below what we imagine was the market rate for a prostitute in New York City in the early 1990s.

The book appears to be tumescent with these sorts of gossipy tidbits about the, er, head of Fox News. We figure these little morsels will steadily dribble out as we get closer and closer to the book's release date of Jan. 21, at which time the stories of Roger Ailes' dick will explode all over the media, spraying us with a viscous coating of filth. We're practically panting with anticipation.

A couple of other nuggets:

• Ailes allegedly once shouted a vulgar and anti-semitic slur at a fellow NBC executive. Speculation that the slur involved Roger Ailes' dick mocking the other man's circumcised Jew penis could not be confirmed.

• Ailes has called Bill O'Reilly "a book salesman with a TV show." The publishing industry awaits an apology from Ailes for implying that O'Reilly's published works can be called books.

• Ailes also allegedly called Brian Kilmeade "a soccer coach from Long Island," which is the nicest thing anyone has ever called Brian Kilmeade. For all we know, it's actually true. Roger, stop by Wonkette sometime, we'll teach you how to write an insult.

Ailes has spent the past year preemptively slamming Sherman's book as inaccurate, as have quite a few of the Fox jefe 's minions. And can you blame them? Roger probably threatened to show them his dick if they didn't.

In other memoir news, Robert Gates is about to release his book about serving as Secretary of Defense, and that one is apparently chock full of really boring crap like how President Obama lost faith in his Afghanistan surge strategy early on and Gates was jealous of Old Handsome Joe Biden because Joe gets all the chicks. Most of the stories we found seem to have taken as their source Bob Woodward's review in the Washington Post, and with the anti-Obama kick Woodward has been on for the last few years, we trust him to give an honest accounting of the book's contents about as much as we would trust Jaws to not eat us. Really, no one leaks a book about Obama to Bob Woodward unless they want to paint the president in the most unflattering light possible.

Besides, Roger Ailes' dick!

[ New York Times / Raw Story ]

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