Ron DeSantis's Prayers Can Move Hurricanes But They Cannot Move His Poll Numbers
O God why hast thou forsaken this dipshit?
Wait, did you guys know Ron DeSantis can stop hurricanes with his prayers like he’s some kind of dead Pat Robertson or something?
We had no idea, but DeSantis was at the Christians United For Israel summit — you know, where the right-wing creeper Christians say they support Israel, for completely underhanded reasons. He was introduced by antisemite televangelist John Hagee and everything.
And to that crowd he told the story:
“We all were able to do some prayers at the Western Wall. And so you write the little note, you put it in the crevice there. And when I got back from doing that, I was asked by the media, what did you pray for? I said, ‘I pray that we don’t have any hurricanes this summer in Florida,'” DeSantis said
He did some prayers.
“Well, fast forward a couple of months and we have a hurricane that developed in the Caribbean called Hurricane Dorian. And it was a Category 5, massive, massive hurricane barreling straight to the east coast of Florida,” DeSantis continued. “And when that path was there, there were some people that were snickering at me saying, well, that prayer must not have gone very far. And yet, within 48 hours, that storm took a 90-degree turn to the north and it did not hit the state of Florida. We were free and clear.”
Well lookie there! Ron DeSantis stopped the hurricane with his little prayers!
For some reason DeSantis has told this story before, last time in Israel. Totally a normal place for him to be visiting as the governor of Florida. We are sure they were riveted by his stories of doing his little prayers and stopping the hurricanes.
Unfortunately for Mr. Personality, his little stitch ‘n’ bitches with Jesus don’t seem to be doing anything for his laughably failing campaign.
Ohio Republican Senator JD Vance is publicly making fun of DeSantis’s poll numbers and criticizing his “garbage social media influencers.” That’s a pretty embarrassing low to hit, considering how JD Vance is a literal actual pile of mounded up human butthair with eyes. When that guy is making fun of you? Yeesh.
The link in the last graf notes that one of the most recent GOP primary polls has Donald Trump at 53 percent compared to DeSantis’s LMAO-worthy 14 percent.
Meanwhile, NBC News reports on just how much DeSantis’s campaign is sucking. He fired a dozen staffers, the money is flying out the door, and a bunch of the early donors who have given money are already maxed out.
The report in Semafor is worse. They’re using words like “crisis” and “stagnating poll numbers” and writing grafs like this:
The bad DeSantis news doesn’t mean he’s dead. But he’s entered a familiar cycle that often ends in collapse: A candidate is hyped up as a top contender, struggles in the polls, and then scrambles to reset a flagging campaign as donors and voters alike parse every move for signs of weakness — or strength.
In summary and in conclusion, the moral of this story is “Scott Walker.”
Gonna be funny when DeSantis is long flamed out and Trump hits a triple-digit number of indictments. Have fun with the reaping of what you have sown, Republicans!
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"And so you write the little note, you put it in the crevice there."
Evangelical at a strip club.
Please crap.