Forget Explosives, Marco Rubio Has Lots Of Ballot Dropbox Destruction Scenarios To Terrify You

Rabid muskrats! Curious children! Flaming dog poop!

Yes, thank you, I would like to respond . Congresswoman Demings mentioned that the state of Florida has cut the number of ballot dropboxes where voters can drop their ballot anytime in the weeks leading up to Election Day. She acts as if this is some sort of Jim Crow-era tactic by Republicans.

This is ridiculous and offensive. We’re just looking to put some rules and checks into what is already an absurd way of voting. People need to have trust in our election system. They need to know it is secure, and that Democrats are not engaging in fraud, as multiple investigations over the years have told us they are not doing on any sort of organized or widespread scale, which just proves how good they are at hiding it.

So no, we don’t want someone *cough George Soros cough*or someones *cough Antifa cough* dumping phony ballots into those unsecured dropboxes.

What if someone wanted to toss explosives in a dropbox and blow it up and burn up all the ballots in it, a thing that has literally never happened in the decades that various localities across the country have used dropboxes. But someone could, especially now that I have put the idea in the heads of a Republican base already inclined to believe crazy stories about the ways Democrats always cheat in elections.

Like the thing with the Chinese thermostats . Is it really so far-fetched to believe the Chinese Communist Party would hack voting machines via nearby thermostats and change all the votes to the Democrat? They are a wily and resourceful people, the Chinese, and thanks to Joe Biden they are eating our lunch in every way.

But besides the explosives, there are other ways agents of Antifa might sabotage a dropbox. What if they poured acid into a dropbox, dissolving all the ballots into a pulpy mess? Or what if they poured Shasta into that dropbox, soaking all the ballots so the envelopes can’t be opened nor the votes recorded?

You know that trick where you light a bag of dog poop on fire and drop it at someone’s door and ring the bell and run? Now imagine instead of a door, the flaming bag of dog poop gets left in a ballot dropbox. This isn’t all so funny now, is it?

These are things that could happen, theoretically, and it’s best that we take aggressive action to prevent them from happening.

What if you are putting your ballot in the dropbox, and at that moment a Cessna has to make an emergency landing on that particular stretch of sidewalk out of all the sidewalks and streets and open fields in a twenty-mile radius and it comes to a stop right by the dropbox with its propeller still spinning and the propeller hits you in the head? Not feeling so good about ballot dropboxes now, are you?

What if someone put a rabid muskrat in the dropbox, and then you let your child drop your vote in the box because he thinks it's a neat thing to do and you want to get him excited about participating in democracy from an early age? But then the muskrat jumps out of the box and bites your child and now your child is a frothing rabid animal that needs to be put down before it gives rabies to the dog or the rest of its kindergarten. Do you think that child will love democracy in the future?

Or let us say that your child is out playing hide-and-seek with his friends. He sees a ballot dropbox and thinks, “No one will ever think to look in there! I’m gonna win hide-and-seek!” So he tries to squeeze into the dropbox, gets stuck, and the tiny opening causes him to suffocate to death.

Or he manages to squeeze all the way into the dropbox, but then he can’t get out and no one knows he’s there and he slowly starves.

Or he manages to squeeze all the way into the dropbox, but that rabid muskrat is there, and it attacks him.

Your child would be safer hiding in an abandoned refrigerator.

How about this one: You drop your ballot in the dropbox, but then you get nervous the ballot fell through a hole in the bottom, so you stick your head in the dropbox to make sure it didn’t, and your head gets stuck and it’s late at night so no one is around, and you have to stand there with your head in the dropbox for hours and hours until some early morning jogger finds you and calls the fire department.

How would you even pee?

And what if a mugger comes along while your head is stuck in the dropbox and swipes your wallet right out of your pocket because crime has drastically risen since Joe Biden introduced socialism to America, and you can’t reach the gun you’re carrying to defend yourself AS IS YOUR SECOND AMENDMENT RIGHT UNDER THE CONSTITUTION.

Maybe the mugger steals your gun too, because how are you going to stop him, and then he shoots you and runs away, and you stand there bleeding and losing consciousness and you can’t even collapse properly because, again, your head is stuck in the ballot dropbox.

My opponent would be fine with all of this. Except she would make it illegal for you to even carry the gun that you can’t use to defend yourself from the mugger stealing it while you are standing there, head in dropbox, helpless.

Or how about this. An evil supernatural clown is hiding in the dropbox. When you open it and drop your ballot in, he tells you that he has lots of ballots in there, and they all float, and you’ll float too if you just climb into the dropbox. So you start to crawl in there, and the clown grabs your arm and bites it off with his razor-sharp teeth. Then while you’re crawling away he grabs you and pulls you into the dropbox forever and your mom will never want to play Fur Elise on her piano ever again.

What if Dominic Torretto wraps a chain around a dropbox and steals it by speeding off in a souped-up muscle car and dragging the dropbox like it’s a vault from a Brazilian bank? But he doesn’t secure it properly and he does a sick skid around a corner and the chain snaps off his car and the dropbox flies into a packed Jamba Juice? Imagine the carnage that would result, all because Democrats insisted on having ballot dropboxes.

Why is Dominic Torretto stealing a ballot dropbox? Would you ask the sun why it shines?

I notice that Congresswoman Demings has no response here. So perhaps she’s not ready to be a US Senator. Because we have to make big decisions the three days a week we’re at work, and we owe it to the American people to make our elections transparent.

As a senator, these are the dangers to voting that keep me up at night.

Especially the evil clown. Well, all clowns.

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