Rush Limbaugh's Cool New Book For Kids Stars Rush Limbaugh And Is Better Than A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving

Man, the holidays are really creeping up on us, aren't they. First school starts, then Halloween, and then comes Thanksgiving. Have you thought about how to explain Thanksgiving to your children? A complex tale of European expansion, nascent American exceptionalism, native displacement...ahh, never mind. Just get them Rush Limbaugh's Thanksgiving origin story book thingy so they learn all about real 'Merican heroes just like Rush Limbaugh!

The book is a children’s book about Thanksgiving and Limbaugh’s version of the story of Thanksgiving, one which he tells his audience every year in his show right before the November holiday.

Ooh! If there's one source we would look to for serious historical scholarship about Thanksgiving, it is a bloviating draft-dodging hostile bag of goo like Rush Limbaugh! What, exactly, inspired him to share his Thanksgiving wisdom?

“My wife Kathryn came up with an idea that literally lit a fire under me,” Limbaugh said.[...]‘Why don’t you write a book for kids?’”

Oh, you've no idea how much we wish that sentence were literally true.

Let's wander on over to his insanely hagiographic website and check out this here inspiring story that the kids will get to learn.

And they shared their bounty with the Indians. Actually, they sold some of it to 'em. The true story of Thanksgiving is how socialism failed. With all the great expectations and high hopes, it failed. And self-reliance, rugged individualism, free enterprise, whatever you call it, resulted in prosperity that they never dreamed of.

Well, that is a happily ever after how do you do, isn't it? Sure, the Indians got displaced and killed and whatnot, but they also had the privilege of buying stuff from Americans! Lucky duckies! We wonder if they got a discount if they bought the smallpox blankets in bulk? Maybe Rush covers that in his sequel, Thanksgiving 2, Pillaging Boogaloo. 

Rush, being a media mogul and all, has made sure to vertically integrate the hell out of this book. It stars "Rush Revere," Rush's fantasy alter ego that rides around America like a modern day hero and tells us all about Truth, Justice, and the American Way by selling us crappy Snapple knockoff tea. Heartwarming, isn't it? Now if Rush can just find some Indians to sell his delicious soft drinks to, America's greatness will be restored.

[ Daily Caller ]