Sad Johnny Boehner's A Mitt Man

And there was John Boehner, all alone at the Capitol Hill Club at 8 a.m., loadin' up at the bar for another day of his miserable life. "Who's president... I should be... the pressydent," he slurred, nine empty bottles of Sutter Home merlot on his either side. "Hey who're you asshole," he says to the imaginary 10-year-old drinking buddy by his side. "I take you OUT little boy," he mutters, "I coulda... put up your dukes... have a drink... we're FIGHTIN huh." Oh, dear, a scene. "Sir," the boy, who is actually his 45-year-old chief aide, says, "sir we have to go endorse Mitt Romney today." "Yeah SCREW YOU, sure," and they head off to the press conference.

Isn't this a bit premature for the Speaker? Newt's still in it to win it, and/or get bit by penguins, after all. Where's the speaker-to-speaker love (gross)?

House Speaker John Boehner endorsed Mitt Romney for president Tuesday, saying the presumptive GOP nominee has a set of economic policies that can “put Americans back to work.”

Speaking to reporters on Tuesday, Mr. Boehner said it was clear that the former Massachusetts governor was going to be the party’s standard bearer and that he would “be proud to support Mitt Romney and do everything I can to help him win.”

Aaaaaaaaand back to the bar. Don't sneak up on him, unless you want to get bit.

[ WSJ ]