Sam Adams Beer Says 'No Homo, No Promo' To Boston's St. Patrick's Day Parade

Ready for some afternoon nice time, starring some homosexxicans and beer? Of course you are, because you probably started drinking circa 11 a.m. today anyway because you are a goddamn hero. So, you'll recall that as the venerable vomit-fest that is the South Boston Saint Patrick's Day Parade approacheth, there remains a wee bit of controversy over the fact that while teh gheys can march, they cannot in any way identify their gayness, because of the tender eyes of the Irish, we think.

Now, before you go all blah blah First Amendment why can't teh gheys bedazzle themselves in gay glitter and march, let's get that out of the way. The gays can't march because the parade is run by a private entity that does not like the gays. It is not run by the gubmint. Therefore, parade can do what it wants. Unjust, but legal.

Where were we? Oh, yeah, Boston. Skies have been darkening for a while over this parade because Boston's mayor, Martin Walsh, has refused to march, a group of gay vets won't march because they can't display any homosexual propoganda, and now, in the cruelest blow of all, Sam Adams is pulling out of the parade. Once you've lost Sam Adams, you've lost America.

The Boston-based company behind the Sam Adams beer brand on Friday announced it would not participate in this weekend's annual South Boston St. Patrick's Day Parade.

The decision followed the breakdown of negotiations between the event organizers and a group of gay military veterans who wanted to march in the parade.

"We were hopeful that both sides of this issue would be able to come to an agreement that would allow everyone, regardless of orientation, to participate in the parade," the Boston Beer Company said in a statement. "But given the current status of the negotiations, we realize this may not be possible."

Seriously, St. Pat's Parade People, who are actually veterans yourselves. (The parade organizer is the Allied War Veterans Council.) You really want to exclude veterans? FUCKING VETERANS?? Just because they're gay? You should be ashamed of yourselves. SPOILER ALERT: There are lots of gays in the military now. There are lots of gays in Boston. There are lots of Irish-American gays. You are dinosaurs and your kind is dying out and soon the streets will run red, orange, green, blue, and violet with the glitter and general happy disposition of the gays, so stop being such retrograde fucks and modernize yourselves now.

[ TPM ]