Scientists Shocked As Mike Johnson Possibly (?) Spontaneously Grows Spine
He's not exactly standing up to Trump, but he's not completely indulging him either. Progress!
Is ... is Speaker of the House and creepy church youth group chaperone Mike Johnson standing up to Donald Trump????
What is even going on here. Did Johnson have an honest reckoning with November’s polls? Did he get replaced by Nancy Pelosi wearing a Mike Johnson Mission: Impossible mask? Did he get his brain zapped by aliens, a la Steve Dallas in a famous Bloom County storyline? Did the planet pass through a wormhole into an alternate dimension where our pint-sized speaker was born with a spinal column?
Prefer a non-Substack subscription? The button below will take any amount of your choosing at Paypal — let me know if you want the newsletter subscription too! they’re separate! — or we have a Patreon too.
We have no way of knowing if Johnson suddenly remembered that Congress is a co-equal branch of government, not the president’s personal harem. All we know is that the boyish fop who looks like a bespectacled penis wearing a bit of lint as a wig told Maria Bartiromo on Fox News that he’s sending Donald Trump a bill that Trump had loudly announced he would not sign until everyone agrees that all our elections are rigged against everyone’s favorite president, Donald Trump. Knowing how close to his blackened, cholesterol-stuffed heart the election fraud thing is, this strikes us as surprising indeed.
Here is what is going down. Last Wednesday, Congress was going to hold a signing ceremony for the bipartisan housing bill that had passed both chambers, and which Republicans see as a much-needed boost for their chances of keeping control of the legislature in November. We’re not going to get into the merits of the bill, but making housing more affordable everywhere would seem like an issue everyone outside of the luxury real estate lobby can get behind. In theory, anyway.
Then, just before the ceremony, our pampered and Pampered (allegedly!) big-boy president threw one of his usual tantrums. Trump is very upset because Congress has yet to pass the SAVE Act, that monstrosity that would “fix” the nonexistent voter fraud problem that has taken up permanent residence in what remains of the president’s mind by requiring voters to show proof of United States citizenship in order to register to vote in federal elections.
The SAVE Act is probably Trump’s most important presidential priority at this point, just behind turning all of Washington DC into a tacky, gold-filigreed Bollywood set. Otherwise, he might be forced to confront the fact that vast majorities of people keep voting against him and his party. Then the entire narcissistic edifice of his ego might collapse into a puddle.
Unfortunately for Trump, the SAVE Act has been tied up in the Senate and doesn’t seem to be going anywhere soon. So the president announced he wouldn’t sign the housing bill or anything else until everyone in Congress validates all the bats zooming around his belfry.
This means Mike Johnson has a problem. It’s up to him to officially send the housing bill to Trump. This starts a 10-day clock during which Trump can sign the bill into law or veto it. If he vetoes it and sends it back to Congress, there might very well be enough Republican votes to override that veto. If he does nothing, the bill becomes law automatically.
Johnson’s extensive history of toadyism would suggest that he will refuse to send the bill over, thereby sparing Trump any embarrassment or ego injury. Instead, he told Bartiromo on Sunday, he will send the bill to the White House, which puts Trump on the spot (starting around the 3:40 mark):
Johnson says he spoke with Trump and explained what a big win the housing bill is for Republicans, and that he’s going to send the bill to Trump to sign on Monday. He did try to save face and suck up a little, because he knew there was a good chance the president was watching:
“I certainly want him to take the biggest, boldest marker that he has and do that big Trump signature proudly on that legislation because we’re delivering for the people, and that’s what he wants to do.”
No one ever did go broke appealing to Trump’s bottomless vanity.
Of course this was also before Monday’s Supreme Court ruling that allowed for ballots to be counted if they are postmarked by Election Day but arrive a few days afterward. This is one of Trump’s boogeymen, and he immediately freaked out on Truth Social:
Perhaps Johnson thought he had extracted a promise from Trump to sign it before he went on Bartiromo’s show. And maybe he did! But we all know a Trump promise, like the vice presidency, is not worth a bucket of warm shit. He’ll go back on whatever promise he made Johnson in a heartbeat if the alternative is that he gets to sit in the Oval Office and sulk.
Stay tuned!
[YouTube]
Support independent media by supporting Wonkette!
Update on Mr. Not Amused: He's hanging in there! Still removing bile from his stomach, poor guy. He was able to sit on the side of the bed, but they are waiting until Wednesday to try and walk. He's very weak still, lots of tremors and mumbling in his sleep. They're going to check his bile removal for blood, just in case. But his doctor is allowing him sips of water now, and we may even get the suction tube removed this afternoon! 🤞🤞🤞His staph infection is MRSA, but he's been on antibiotics since Friday and they seem to be working. We'll keep you posted, and thanks for all the love!
Supreme court won't hear Trump's appeal. Basically, they affirm he's a rapist who owes money. Tell your MAGAt friends.
https://bsky.app/profile/muellershewrote.com/post/3mpgqvpwtps2b