Scott Brown To Simultaneously Run for President, Governor, Senate, Homecoming Queen

Scott Brown has been wandering the grounds of the Iowa State Fair, telling visitors he is “exploring a possible run” for president in 2016. The  Des Moines Register  followed him around the fair as he ate a corn dog, "adopted a goofy pose" in front of a prize bull, and introduced himself to voters:

”I’m Scott Brown, the former senator from Massachusetts. I took Ted Kennedy’s seat about 3 1/2 years ago.”

Brown neglected to add "And then Elizabeth Warren handed my ass to me last November."

Brown told the Register that he was in Iowa to determine whether Iowa would be receptive to "his brand of Republicanism," which is fiscally conservative, moderate on social issues depending on whom he's talking to, and strongly opposed to Elizabeth Warren's tomahawk chopping and war whoops. He pretended to be coy about his plans, telling a local cameraman that the only thing that could be read into his corn-dog consumption at the fair was that "I’m very hungry. Going to eat a lot of calories."

Brown is also rumored to be considering running for Governor of Massachusetts, or maybe trying to run for a U.S. Senate seat from New Hampshire, or perhaps Sheikh of Araby. He told the Register that he will announce within the next ten days whether he'll run for governor. All Scott Brown knows is that America really needs him to be in high office, because he is, after all, Scott Goddamn Brown.

[ Boston.com / Des Moines Register ]