Good afternoon, friends and lovers, here is what we wrote at you today!

You all DO read your tabs, right? How else will you know if I ever send a secret message just to you??? (I am not sending secret messages just to you. If I were to send a secret message to you, I WOULD PUT YOUR ACTUAL NAME ON IT.)

I really do think this pud should be fired soon, but Emperor Sun Moon and Stars seems to like him, so.

This is important! (They’re all important.) (Okay, they’re mostly all important.) (Sometimes we just feel silly or dickish.) Anyway, learn some things!

I KNOW it’s not as important in the grand scheme of things, but this just fuckin kills me. And I wasn’t even around for Kennedy, all y’all olds must be in blackout rage!

Oh? A Nice Time???

DRINK.

See you bright and early for … wait, no, see you mid-morning for Robyn’s morning what’s up, then something else, and then Ziggy’s starting a Nice Time. Won’t we have fun!

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Secret Message in a Bottle. Wonkette One A…