Secret Service Ruining Blowvember With Creepy Hotel Antics

 
 Jesus Christ on a pogo stick, people, you keep getting Blowvember all wrong. First, CBS tries to co-opt it by blowing every news story it reports on. And now the Secret Service is being super-creepy with the ladies, according to the Washington Post. It seems that this past spring, a Secret Service agent was trying to force his way into a woman's hotel room. NO!! BAD SECRET SERVICE!! NOT OK!!

This dumbassery led to an internal investigation, which revealed some more bad behavior by this agent and another dude.

As everyone knows, Blowvember is about sexual scandal, but not the creepy or rapey kind. It should be a celebration, but the only person who seems to keep the spirit of Blowvember in his heart is Rob Ford. AMERICA, WE CAN'T OUTSOURCE BLOWVEMBER TO THE CANADIANS! Let's get it together, people.

So what exactly happened with the creepy secret service guy? Well, Agent Ignacio Zamora was getting his drink on at the Hay-Adams hotel in the nation's capitol when he struck up a conversation with a lady-person. Things progressed, and they retreated to her room. The Post doesn't mention what transpired in the room, but we like to imagine that they played chess and discussed Descartes.

Here's where it gets weird and creepy:

The review found that Zamora had removed ammunition from the chamber of his government-issued handgun during his stay in the room and then left behind a single bullet. He returned to the room when he realized his mistake. The guest refused to let him back in.

When you 'unload your chamber' in a lady's hotel room, most folks aren't thinking about your literal chamber. We are supportive of you 'discharging,' but we really don't know what to make of leaving behind a single bullet. It creeps us out, to be honest.

The investigation also revealed that Zamora and his buddy Agent Timothy Barraclough were sending "inappropriate and suggestive messages to [a] female agent" NOT COOL, GUYS. Especially because Zamora is a supervisor, and sexual harassment = BAD.

The Secret Service is already in hot water because of the hiring of the hookers in exotic locales last year. There is an internal investimigation going on about that, and the report will be released soon, so maybe this is some sort of media foreplay?

According to the story, Zamora has been removed from his position and Barraclough has been reassigned.

GODDAMMIT, WE WANTED TO WRITE A FUN BLOWVEMBER STORY. Anthony Wiener, why hast thou forsaken us?

[ Washington Post ]