Senile Old Loser Thinks His Birthday Party Gonna Be Bigger Than The Olympics
'Kay.
What are you doing June 14? Do you know, or is that a little over two weeks into the future, therefore you ain’t know? Maybe you are doing something summery and fun. Maybe a concert, maybe a cookout. Maybe you’re joining one of the hundreds (maybe thousands?) of No Kings protests against Donald Trump’s dictatorship that are happening all over the country that day.
It’s Flag Day. Maybe you are a real weirdo and that’s the day you’re going to play with all your flags and make them kiss and get married to each other. We ain’t judge. (We do judge.)
One thing we know for sure is that — unless you are a stranded MAGA who somehow broke down in front of Wonkette this morning and don’t even know why you’re reading this — you are not planning on watching Trump’s dumbshit loser stupid Hitler sack-licking birthday parade through DC.
Oh, but bless his heart, he thinks you are.
Trump babbled like a demented Nero at Arlington National Cemetery about his parade on Memorial Day, because that’s definitely the kind of thing a guy who hates our fallen troops and thinks they’re suckers and losers would do.
“We’re going to have a big, big celebration, as you know, 250 years. In some ways, I’m glad I missed that second term where it was because I wouldn’t be your president for that most important of all. In addition, we have the World Cup and we have the Olympics.
“Can you imagine I missed that four years, and now look what I have. I have everything. Amazing the way things work out. God did that. I believe that, too! I believe it. […]
You know I got the World Cup and I got the Olympics, the 250 years was not mine, I’d like to take credit. But I got the Olympics, I got the World Cup when I was president, and I said boy it’s too bad, I won’t be president then, and look what happened, I turned out … and we’re gonna have a great time.
“We’re going to have a great celebration. But most important of all is the 250th anniversary. That blows everything away, including the World Cup and including the Olympics.”
Holy Jake Tapper Dementia Watch, Batman!
Somebody oughta write a book.
Couple things:
God did not do that. Or if God did that, it was some kind of holy joke, the punchline of which has not yet been revealed. We ain’t know, sometimes God got jokes.
More likely this happened because somebody happened to flush the toilet in hell on June 14, 1946, and now that’s Donald Trump’s birthday.
Donald Trump’s sack-licking loser stupid Hitler military parade will not “[blow] everything away, including the World Cup and including the Olympics.”
Even if the rest of the world boycotts those events — and it should, because the United States cannot guarantee attendees’ safety from Trump’s ICE/border Gestapo — they will still be far and away greater than Trump’s piddling-ass limp-dick birthday parade, during which you will either be protesting, celebrating, or just generally doing literally anything else.
Yes, this is what Donald Trump was doing on Memorial Day at Arlington National Cemetery.
Just babbling about his birthday party, the one where — because this insane man is technically commander-in-chief of the United States military — there will be a parade in DC with tanks and Army guys and PEW PEW PEW! and everything. (And what do actual Army guys and gals think about that parade? Read Reddit to find out! Sample: “Is there a way to report waste to our dear friends at DOGE?”)
It fits that Trump would shit on Arlington yesterday like that. That’s how his entire weekend went.
He shat all over West Point, as their commencement speaker. He told them the weird sex yacht story about William Levitt that he told the Boy Scouts a few years ago, at their Jamboree, because that’s appropriate for the occasion of the graduation of the United State’s most elite military academy graduates.
Sample quote: “He ended up getting a divorce, found a new wife. Could you say a trophy wife? I guess we can say a trophy wife. It didn’t work out too well, but it doesn’t— that doesn’t work out too well, I must tell you. A lot of trophy wives. It doesn’t work out. But it made him happy for a little while, at least, but he found a new wife.”
Another sample quote: “There will be no more critical race theory or transgender for everybody forced onto our brave men and women in uniform or on anybody else for that matter in this country. And we will not have men playing in women’s sports if that’s okay.”
Is that what Trump and Secretary Shitfaced think the military does all day? Somebody ought to tell those guys what the military is really like! Neither Bone Spurs nor Shitfaced has that much experience with it, after all.
Trump insinuated to the cadets that nobody was willing to join the military under Joe Biden, completely ignorant of the fact that likely every single one of those graduating cadets started West Point under Joe Fucking Biden.
Imagine working so hard not only to get into West Point, but to graduate West Point, and that’s your fucking shitty commencement speaker. You’ll remember it forever, because it was such a goddamned embarrassment. (More highlights here, including his whining about how he has been investigated more than Alphonse Capone.)
Anyway, cool commencement speaker, Jake Tapper! And just a very cool president!
And then he left without shaking the cadets’ hands, as is the tradition. He had an important date in the Situation Room golf.
Then there was also Trump’s Memorial Day message on Truth Social:
A country that allows itself to be debased in such a way by such a leader is also the kind of country that has a big jerk-off military parade for Dear Leader on June 14.
Join a protest and help ruin it.
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Wasn't going to make all my flags kiss and get married, but now I realize that I *do* have those plans after all. But not that fucking bitch "vergogna" flag: she can go shove herself up Alito's ass.
First off, Grandpa ShitzenBloomerz, there is no such thing as "Happy Memorial Day." It's right there in the title: MEMORIAL. Peaceful, restful, or some message that conveys the purpose of the day such as "Thank you to all those who served and paid the ultimate sacrifice" would be perfectly appropriate. And speaking of which...
Second, I'm sure the aforementioned service members' families truly appreciate being looped in with *checks notes* scum, illegal aliens, traitors, activist incompetent judges, rapists, thugs, and whatever assorted whatnot dripped from your clearly-demented brainpan.
Cheesy Krispy Kreme Christ, I am SO ready for this barking mad insane Hitler wannabe to take a dirt nap.